TheBanyanTree: Late May 2009

[Pat M]

Status is very important here in China; being ‘the leader’ or the person in
charge is greatly desired. Anyone or anything that is regarded as a threat
to one’s position isn’t going to have an easy time.

While still in Canada making up my mind whether or not to come to Wesley’s
House (the orphanage), I received an email from Peter that would have
dissuaded most. It was full of negative things about the extreme heat in the
summer and the abundance of mosquitoes.  Initially I decided I had better
not come. Then, I wrote to Ron (the man in America who is in charge of the
aid work in China) and asked him if he thought Peter didn’t want me
here.  After
that I received a letter of apology from Peter and I decided to come anyway
and face whatever challenges there were.

 I realized shortly after arriving that Peter felt threatened by my
presence.  He didn’t invite me to meetings or inform me of anything that was
going on. He seldom spoke to me and he didn’t provide any direction on what
I should do. Initially, when I talked to him about teaching English, he
said, “The children don’t need to learn English.” Another day he said, “The
children don’t know why you are here,” but I knew he was speaking for
himself.

Our nebulous relationship really began to deteriorate in mid-February after
I expressed my disappointment in him for the way he behaved toward the
sisters from Henan province. Doris, the older sister had already left. He’d
told the other workers not to speak to or help the younger sister Carol
leave and I’d stormed into his office, demanding to know,“What kind of place
is this?”  I believe in being direct and expressing my feelings openly which
is completely opposite to how Chinese communicate.  My ‘say it like it is’
approach must have been hard to take.

Shortly after that, Peter from the language school suggested we organize a
trip for my English students from the aluminum factory and their parents to
visit the orphanage. He told me that local residents aren’t aware there is
an orphanage in the area. Pingguo boasts a highly profitable aluminum
factory where some 20,000 people live and work.  The company provides
housing, transportation and cheap medical care for its employees.  The
people who work in the factory are the richest in the area. Their visit
would raise public awareness which could open doors to more charitable
donations and free services for the children.  How wonderful!

“I’d better talk to Peter to confirm it’s okay with him,” I said. I expected
he’d be as enthusiastic about the idea as I was so his reaction stunned me.

 “I don’t want people to know about the orphanage. I want to follow the
teachings of the Bible. If we have faith, God will send whatever we need. I
don’t want to ask for money.”

“We don’t have to ask for money, we just need to make people aware that
we’re here. The people of Pingguo don’t know there is an orphanage. They
should know. Then, if they want to help, they can choose to. If they don’t
know, they can’t help. All the aid should not come from abroad,” I said.

“I only want poor people to know,” he said. If people with money know maybe
there will be corruption, like in the orphanage in Henan.”

“You said God will send help. How do you know he didn’t send me?” I asked.
“How did I end up in Pingguo, China?”

Peter didn’t change his position. I couldn’t believe he didn’t want to do
something that could help the children.

Finally, I said, “I strongly disagree with your approach. A leader doesn’t
wait for things to happen. A leader makes them happen.”
After that, Peter refused to take the money I offered him to buy meat and
fruit for the children. One day he reluctantly accepted my
money and returned with a couple of crates of small, bruised,
starting-to-go-rotten apples. I could hardly believe it.
For nearly 4 months, Peter hasn’t spoken to me unless it is absolutely
necessary. He has been so unapproachable and gruff that I’ve been afraid to
talk to him. In every way except saying it to my face, he’s let me know that
I’m not welcome here. So I was surprised two weeks ago when he approached me
and praised me. I’d bought some Walt Disney movies to watch with the
children on weekends and the first weekend had been very successful.

“It's very good if you choose the movies and watch them with the children,”
he said.

“I remember wanting my parents to watch TV with me,” I said.  “I think it
means something to the children here when I watch movies with them.”

A few days later, however, our fragile relationship took another nosedive.

I’d told Peter in the afternoon I’d need his help to get the movie started
at 7:30. (All of the TV and DVD player buttons are in Chinese and he hasn’t
been available to teach me what they mean.)

At 7:30, the children and I waited in the TV room but Peter didn’t come. I
searched him out and found him in one of the nearby classrooms.  When I
asked him to help me, he wouldn’t come. There was nothing pressing that he
couldn’t have left for five minutes. Frustrated, I returned to the TV room
and waited anxiously with over 30 fidgeting children. Finally, I allowed
them to turn on the TV and watch cartoons. When Peter eventually arrived,
they were interested in the cartoons and didn’t want to watch a movie.  I’d
had enough of Peter.  I picked up my DVDs, strode to my room and shut the
door.

I sat down at my computer and wrote Peter an email. All the hurt and anger
I’d been suppressing splashed across the computer screen.  In the end, I
didn’t send it. I didn’t want things to escalate but I needed to express my
frustration.  Maybe I shouldn’t return to the orphanage as I’d planned to do
at the end of September. Why would I put myself through it? I’m here without
pay. Every week, I spend my own money to buy nutritious food for myself and
the children. I buy games, toys, and art supplies for them. I spend hours
creating interesting materials to teach them English.  I give so much yet
Peter, the only one who can speak English well enough to have a meaningful
conversation with me resents and ignores me. How Christian is that?

The next day, I toned down my email and sent it. To my surprise, Peter
responded within the hour. He admitted he’d been hurt when I supported the
girls from Henan and his attitude toward me had changed. He accepted all
responsibility for the problems between us.

I responded with, “I am very aware that your attitude toward me changed
because you stopped talking to me, and you have been distant and
unapproachable since then. To be honest, I don't feel very welcome here. I
hope you can get past your resentment so that we can have a better
relationship.”

He responded, “In my heart, i admire your devotion and love to our kids very
much all the time, but for the difference in culture, minds, ways or faith,
and of course the most important reason, my personal character and sin, it
corrupts the relation between us, i know that Satan is doing it, for the
Lord wants every one can love one each other. .. I felt bad for i hurt you
over the past months, and of course, i hurt myself too, so i have the
attitude as you said. For His mercy, we have chance to change and expect a
bright future, very good.”
So, the problem is out there and identified, and I find myself fluctuating
between righteous indignation (How dare he! Why bother to come back!?) and
hope that our relationship will improve.  I leave China in two weeks and
it's anyone's guess whether or not I'll return to this orphanage in
September.

-- 
Pat

See updated Pingguo China 2009 photos at
http://picasaweb.google.com/Ms.Pat.Martin/Pingguo#