TheBanyanTree: Paddy next door

[Monique Colver]

Anita, I'm so sorry for your loss. But please don't let it weigh on you over
much. People make their own choices, and there's often little we, or anyone
else, can do about it. He probably felt great relief at being able to be
with his wife again. Perhaps there were more things going on that no one
knew about it -- our minds are mysterious things, and what goes on in them
is mostly unknown by others. There's only so much we can do for others, and
in the end everyone makes their own choices.

Paddy's free and at peace now, and he'd like you to be at peace too.

Don't ask how I know these things. I just do.

Monique

On Fri, Jul 17, 2009 at 8:40 PM, Anita Coia <anita at redpepper.net.au> wrote:

> I found out last night that our elderly neighbour, the one on the right
> with
> the immaculate garden and the beautiful camellia bushes, died a few weeks
> ago.  A few WEEKS ago.  We hadn't even noticed.
>
>
>
> We don't see our neighbours much - only the ones with cars, really, as we
> are leaving in the morning or returning home at night. Even then, not much.
> If there's a house being auctioned, you might bump into people while
> inspecting the house. I know hardly anyone's names. This is a typical outer
> suburban area, a former housing estate, dominated by car travel.  The house
> blocks are smaller than the old quarter acre blocks, so it's not as if we
> are separated from each other by acres of bush or paddocks.
>
>
>
> Not many streets have footpaths around here, forget being friendly for
> bicycles. This era of powerful cars means quite a few people hoon around
> the
> streets so you have to be careful. Shops are centralised - no more little
> local shops, milk bars or cafes. That's fine in the inner city, but not out
> here - you need to jump in your car to go and get the paper, or milk, or
> bread.  And everyone is working so hard.
>
>
>
> So you don't walk past your neighbour's houses much.  And if you do,
> they're
> probably not home.  Paddy was old-school, the kind of neighbour I remember
> as a child, who would potter in the front garden as a way of socialising
> with everyone who walked past. The type of neighbour that kids visit
> regularly to sell school raffle tickets, or to ask to be sponsored for
> their
> fun-run - and who would always offer a couple of bucks and a smile and a
> chat.  Ones that walked slow and had hair growing out of their ears and
> smelt a bit musty, but always seemed to be there.
>
>
>
> Paddy had retained his thick Irish accent which, with his pronounced
> deafness, made chatting a bit of a challenge. But he knew what was going on
> in the street, and was probably the best security system we had. He had
> been
> in this area for a very long time, probably 30-40 years. I'm not sure, but
> I
> suspect he bought his house brand new. He remembered all the orchards that
> used to be in this area, now long gone in favour of eyesore medium-density
> unit developments of minimum-standard construction.
>
>
>
> Paddy's wife died a few years ago - again, I'm not sure when. Before I
> moved
> here, which was six years ago. He missed her so much. He talked about her
> all the time. He wore his heart on his sleeve - he was not embarrassed to
> tell people how much he loved and missed his wife.  One of his adult sons
> lived with him, but he was lonely all the same, and I'm sure he was
> conscious of not intruding on his sons' life.
>
>
>
> Paddy took his own life. How terrible is that - a lonely old man ending it
> by himself.  It must have been a weekend we were away, as we never saw any
> police or ambulances, not a single thing out of the ordinary.  I didn't
> believe it when I was told he had died, as my husband saw him just a few
> weeks ago, and everything seemed just as it had always been.
>
>
>
> Now I'm feeling terrible. I know I probably couldn't have done anything to
> prevent what happened - he clearly had made up his own mind.  He visited
> his
> church group the night before and was in good spirits, by all reports. He
> had lots of friends who looked out for him and didn't see it coming.  He
> had
> a supportive family who he didn't choose to confide in about how he felt.
> But all those times when I thought "I should go next door and invite Paddy
> over for a cuppa, or drop in a box of chocolates for Easter" and didn't
> because I was too busy or too tired, are now weighing very heavily on my
> heart.
>
>
>
> Anita
>
>


-- 
Monique Colver