TheBanyanTree: Wind Advisory

[Margaret R. Kramer]

5/22/99
Hi love:

Yes, this is the one, but thank you anyway.  I love you.  As you go to the
closing, do not get FLUSTERED, just keep your wits and do as we talked
about.  Don’t let that “jerk” get to you!

I was looking at the Deals book and they say that the Mgr. should have
reviewed my work record.  It says salary adjustments there.  But they never
did!

Oh well lets just write that up to experience!
Love you KID!

Ray

The winds are ripping the leaves right off the branches.  And I feel like
the trees.  I’ve been stripped bare, naked for all to see, until somehow,
some way I can rebuild my life the way I want it.

And because we are in a wind advisory, and because it’s cold, and because we
had our first snow of the season, I went to the cemetery this afternoon to
see Ray.  It was raw out there in the openness of the new section.  No tall
trees, no buildings to break the wind.  I wanted to feel the elements, I
wanted to feel the power of nature as I visited Ray.

I love going when there is no one there.  I only saw two cars during my
visit and they were far away from me.  I could stand at Ray’s grave and let
the tears fall.  Visiting Ray is so incredibly private for me, I don’t want
the world to see my raw emotions.

I left a few ghost Peeps for him.  Happy Halloween, Sweetheart.

On the way home, I had to pass by a very bad car accident.  I saw several
cars ahead of me on the ramp.  Then I saw a car flipped over on the median.
I stopped and asked someone if an ambulance had been called.  Yes, it had.

There was a Somali woman on the ground.  I don’t know if she was pulled from
the wreckage or not.  But the Good Samaritans were wrapping her in blankets.

I didn’t stop, because many people were stopping, and I didn’t want to add
to the confusion.  After I passed the accident scene, I saw a police car, a
fire truck, and an ambulance all streaking their way to the accident from
the opposite direction.

I rarely look at my body in mirror, because it’s not the prettiest sight in
the world, but I noticed on Thursday morning after my shower that my left
breast has a large bruise on it.  Then I felt hard lumpy stuff under the
bruise.  I have no idea where this bruise might have come from and
hopefully, it is just a bruise and nothing more serious.

However, I’m going to make an appointment with my doctor this week and find
out what’s going on.  If it’s nothing, great, but if it’s something, well, I
’ll deal with it.

Joe and I had a collision of our worlds this week.  One of my coworker’s
father passed away and the funeral was on Friday.  This person also turned
out to be one of Joe’s ministers.  So Joe and I went to the funeral
together.

The small old church was packed.  A couple friend of Joe’s was going to save
us seats, but they only saved a seat for Joe.  Interesting.  I’ve met them
before, but the man looks at me like I’m a zombie or something and the woman
kind of treats me like I’m a leper.  Which is why she didn’t save me place
in church.  It was an obvious slight, although Joe denies it.

When the church thinned out before the service ended, Joe came and got me
and we sat together, but the couple didn’t even turn around to say “hello.”
How rude can people be?

One of our former grief counselors saw us together and gave us the thumbs
up.  And other members of his church saw us together, too.  Joe’s very
affectionate in public.  And, of course, some of my coworkers saw us, too,
and Joe met several of them.  They were gracious and polite.

I’m spending Sunday by myself, which is very unusual.  I’m grumpy and
irritable.  I miss Ray.  We had great Sundays.  I’m usually OK with spending
time by myself, but with working so much and trying to catch up on weekends,
and then being with Joe, I don’t get a lot of “me time.”

I’m trying not to grab the phone and ask to come up.  So far, so good.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com

When witches go riding,
and black cats are seen,
the moon laughs and whispers,
‘tis near Halloween.  ~Author Unknown
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