TheBanyanTree: Apple Donuts

[Margaret R. Kramer]

2/22/99
Hi love:

You have fulfilled a gap in my life and as each day goes by I love you even
more.  Although I am not a true writer I think that I can put things down
and they are understood pretty good.  There are times when I would like to
take the time to write a story, then I get onto something else and I am
lost.

Someday I will write about you and I and the love we have for one another.
It seems like the days go by so fast and then it is time to retire for the
day and we start all over the next day.  But even as they go by fast there
is always love for you in my heart.

I would like to take you on a trip to the moon and then on the way back,
stop at maybe Mars just to shop, maybe get that Valentine’s Day thing I did
not get for you.  I would like to take you on a cruise and make love to you
under the tropical sun.  Rub suntan oil over your body and then make love
all over again and again and again!

So until we have our first million we just have to be more in love.
Ray

We were in the 70s today and the sun’s ray enhanced all the golds and
oranges and reds in the trees and bushes and grasses around the Twin Cities
area today.  It seemed like everyone was outside running, biking, or just
strolling, letting the leaves skitter in front of them.

I enjoyed driving through my city today, making my way to the BIG CITY for
grief group, and then back again through good old St. Paul.

Today is a tough day for me.  We always go to the apple orchard in early
October.  Ray and I’ve done that since Quincy was a little baby.  I missed
Ray at my side today.  You know, he always kept me together.  He kept track
of all my little pieces, my cell phone, my wallet, my keys, and my sanity.
He never made a fuss about having an absent minded wife, he just did what
needed to be done to keep me going in one piece.

Now I go through the world in many scattered pieces.  There is no ONE me
anymore.  My cell phone is over there.  My wallet is behind me.  My car keys
are on the ground.  My camera is off to my left.  I can’t ever seem to find
myself whole and happy very often.

Well, the boys hit the crowded apple orchard at full force this afternoon.
We went to the pumpkin patch first.  Quincy, the older one, picked out a
HUGE pumpkin, it weighed over 32 pounds!  If Ray would have been there, he
would have guarded that pumpkin with his life, while the rest of looked for
a pumpkin for Ashlin.  But, no, we had to drag it around all over the place
while we searched for what eventually was a 19 pound orange gourd for the
younger grandson.

Ray always kept me straight in the apple store.  Last year, Ray and Quincy
stood first in line for apple donuts while they were baking for about a half
an hour.  They were able to grab a couple of boxes of nice, warm donuts
before anyone else.

This year, Quincy was in charge of the donuts.  I bought apple oatmeal
cookies and three half pecks of apples.  Quincy and Ashlin carried the
cider.  And Ashlin reminded me about buying caramel apples.

Now, when we were at the cashier, and I was so nervous about having so many
things to keep track of, and this is when Ray would have brought out the
wallet and our bank card and paid while I gathered our stuff together.  But
today, I had to handle this chore myself.  Suddenly, all the change fell out
of my wide open wallet, the quarters, pennies, nickels, and dimes smacking
the cement floor and then skipping off in all directions.  I just can’t keep
myself together at all.  The simplest things are way beyond me.

We managed to get everything together finally, including that 32 pound
pumpkin, and out to the car.  Then I calmed down and we sat at a picnic
table eating our apple donuts.  How many years did Ray and I sit at a table,
gazing out at the lake, looking at the colors, not saying anything, just
happy to be together?

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com

When witches go riding,
and black cats are seen,
the moon laughs and whispers,
‘tis near Halloween.  ~Author Unknown
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