TheBanyanTree: First Snow

[Margaret R. Kramer]

4/1/04
Hi Love:
      How true!! love you.
Ray& George

We woke up this morning to a white world.  My gauge proudly showed 3.5
inches of snow.  It was slippery driving home from Joe’s.  In fact, he drove
out of his way to avoid a driving down a steep hill to my house.  You see, I
live on the bottom of the hill and he lives on the top.

After he dropped me off at home, I went to the gym and had a chest beating,
sweaty work out.  I can now officially get my heart pumping to Christmas
music since it’s after Thanksgiving.

Since I usually create a little magic dome around myself while at the club,
I spend a lot of time crying.  Doesn’t that sound strange?  But I probably
cry more while working out than any other part of the day.  Remember those
scenes from “Forrest Gump” where Forrest Gump is running, running, and
running after his mother died?  That’s exactly what I feel like.  I feel
like if I work out hard enough, run fast enough, then I’ll catch up to Ray.
Of course, Ray is moving at lightning speed and I never quite to get him,
but I still try almost every time I work out.

After work out, I shoveled snow for the first time.  It wasn’t much and it
didn’t take very long.

Joe picked me up and we drove out to the cemetery to place Ray’s wreath on
his grave.  As usual, I started crying when I got into the cemetery.  Fort
Snelling is full of Christmas wreaths!  The green boughs and the red ribbons
looked so beautiful against the white snow.  Many people were at the
cemetery today, probably because of the long Thanksgiving weekend and also
it’s the first Sunday in Advent, the Christmas season is beginning, and all
of us want to remember our loved ones who are no longer here.  And that’s
why I cry, not just for my loss, but for all the losses, all the grieving
hearts which are represented by those cheerful wreaths.

We placed Ray’s wreath and then went to visit Alice, Joe’s wife.  She’s
buried in a columbarium, and it’s awkward to leave her anything.  There is a
rocky area underneath the wall where one can leave flowers or whatever, but
then you don’t who they are for.  Her space is at the top of the wall.   He’
s thinking of using a suction cup in order to leave something on her crypt.
We didn’t stay too long, because the wind was howling.

Finally, we stopped at my grandparents’ graves.  We left poinsettias for
them.  They are in an older section of the cemetery and there were very few
wreaths in their section.  People who remember are beginning to die as well.

If we stick together until death, I told Joe, that at least, we’ll be buried
close together, and we can wave to each other once in a while.

My main goal this afternoon was to get Ray’s Christmas card completed.  I’m
using a very happy picture of Ray from when we visited Lake Itasca (the
beginning of the Mississippi River) on the front and then the inside will
have a couple verses of “Auld Lang Syne,” and then I’ll have his birth date
and death date.

Sad, but it’s important to remember this remarkable man at Christmas.  Did
you know he played Santa Claus for many years?  He was my Santa Claus.  He
gave me a gift of love every day we were together.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com

For what is it to die,
But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?
~Kahlil Gibran
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