TheBanyanTree: Thankfulness in Grief

[Margaret R. Kramer]

6/15/03
Hi Love:
        AH HA! another reason that I love you. I say send in something like
you write every morning. Got to go for GAS.
Susan called around 9 am.
Love you.

Joe and I woke up to a dusting of snow this morning.  This is the most snow
we’ve had so far during these late fall days.  November has been its normal
weepy self, consisting of mostly heavy clouds which block the sun.

We can never sleep in.  It seems we always have something to do in the
mornings, like go to work, or in Joe’s case, go to typing class.  Saturdays
are no different.  I got up to get ready to go to grief group and Joe got
ready to go to his church and work on refinishing a table.

Joe brushed the snow off my car and I went home to get started on my
Saturday housework.  I washed all the blankets from my bed today.  Asher
helped me flip my HUGE king sized mattress.  I raked up some leaves and
covered my rose bushes with tall white cones since the temperatures are
getting cold now.

And what was going on in grief group?  I haven’t been there for a month
since I worked three Saturdays at my phone survey job and I used another
Saturday to finish up fall yard work.  Well, I touched base with my new
friends and caught up with their news.

Our speaker’s topic was that there are things about grief to be thankful
for.  And yes, in spite of how much I miss Ray there a couple of things to
be thankful for.  And, oh, I wish I could tell him these things.  I hope he
knows.  I hope he knows I still love him with all my heart and soul, and I’m
waiting for the day when my ashes can be mixed with his in the earth.

But, anyway . . .

First, I’ve lost 22 pounds since he died.  Ray LOVED feeding me and I think
he did that since he couldn’t eat much himself.

I met Joe.  Even though Joe and I are all over the map as far as tempestuous
emotions are concerned, he’s become my best friend, my first call whenever I
’m happy or whenever I’m sad.  Our relationship has made an amazing turn for
the better since we went up north.  We’re closer, more comfortable, and more
appreciate of each other.

And finally, I met my grief group friends.  I can’t even describe the
support and love I get from those people.  I had lunch with Ginny today
after group.  We went to a fabulous place called St Martin’s Table, which is
a vegetarian and vegan restaurant.  I told her about Joe and she was happy
for us.  She said I gave her hope for the rest of them.

A lot of us feel funny about relationships since the death of our spouses.
But we want them.  We want to be loved and to love in return.

Joe came by with a pizza and we ate supper together in my kitchen.  Joe went
home, and then I paid my bills.  I actually have money left over, not much,
but some.  I finished cleaning house.  And now I’m ready to head up the hill
to see my sweetie.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com

For what is it to die,
But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?
~Kahlil Gibran
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