TheBanyanTree: Hurrying Flurries

Sun Nov 16 17:21:54 PST 2008

6/18/00
Here's what you're supposed to do. Copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and
paste it onto a new e-mail that you will send. Change all of the answers so
they apply to you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know
INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a
lot of little known facts about your friends. Remember to send yours back to
the person who sent it to you.

 LIVING ARRANGEMENT:
        I live with a pretty lady and her son  and his girlfriend and child.
        WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJA BOARDS?:
        I never did like them
 YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW(S)?:
        I like The Practice --and Nova on the public tv.
 WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?:
        It says Best Buy ,But it does not matter.
 FAVORITE BOARD GAME:
        Long gone---------Now it is gin on the computer and rummy. By the
hour sometimes.
 FAVORITE MAGAZINE:
    Fishing and computer
 FAVORITE SMELLS:
        Be cause of my vocal cords being removed I can not smell. It has to
    be a very STRONG smell for me to smell it.
 WORST FEELING(s) IN THE WORLD:
        Having to solve a problem that I don't know about.( I sleep on it)
 BEST FEELING(s) IN THE WORLD:
        Being loved by "my love" and keeping her happy!
 FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK:
        By all means Barbara Streisand  greatest hits. I sit and dream of
her
singing to ME!
 WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?:
        Kiss my LOVE and thank her for putting up with me.
 ROLLER COASTER - SCARY OR EXCITING?:
        All gone would not even go on one if it were next door
 HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?:
        Most of the times I do not answer it because of my goofy vioce.
Every
        one can not understand me.
 FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME:
        Too old for them ! I am just an old FART
  FUTURE SON'S NAME: !
        Same thing, just too d%#$@ old.
 FAVORITE FOODS:
        Egg drop soup- Margaret's Chili--her ANYTHING!
 CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?:
        chocolate  or any other ice cream
 DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?:
        No not even as a child
 STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?:
        Neither I love to watch them  roar and bang IF YOU COULD MEET ONE
PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD HE/SHE BE?
        Perhaps the president , or My Grand Mother.
 FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK:
        Drank for too many years and it spoiled too many thing NEVER NOW!!
        I think they should ban it all together!
 WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?:
        I think it is Toris or ???? who cares?
 WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE POET OR WRITER?:
        Margaret
 FAVORITE TYPE OF MUSIC:
        soft things like Barbara , some country.
 DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?:
        Not if I have to.
 IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:
        Teach young kids the art of home improvment and repair.
 IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:
        I most likely would not but if I did it would be light brown.
 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?:
        I was married for 45 years to the same woman and thought I
was---------
 WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?:
        wall paper and mirrors
 IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?:
        If you were a drunk it would be half empty
 WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE?:
        Don't drink it
 FAVORITE MOVIE(S)?:
        I can not say one because there were so many that I enjoyed.
 ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY, OR AMBIDEXTROUS?:
        Right
 DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?:
        No even when I look i get some of them wroongg ! @
 WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?:
        Dust
 WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?:
        Most likely # 7
 FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?:
        Football and baseball
 SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU:
        She is the LIGHT of my life!!! And I love her !!.
 PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND:
        Perhaps Sean. He has a lot of time to do these things.
 PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND:
        most likely my son Jim,

Winter is trying to start here in Minnesota.  There have been dustings of
snow, but nothing sticks.  It's not cold enough yet.  I wonder what kind of
winter we'll have this year?  Last year, we had a manlier, macho winter with
lots of snow and cold air.  Will it be the same this year?

I love the month of November.  I especially love it this year with its
dreariness.  It's been cloudy with few peeks of sun and that fits in well
with my somber mood.  I'm dreading going through the holidays without Ray.
Even though we weren't "holiday" people booming out Christmas carols at
every opportunity, we still enjoyed the holidays.  There is already a huge
hole inside of me as I begin making my holiday plans.

I'm so glad that last fall, I spent more time with him.  He wasn't sick or
anything, but I made an effort to spend Sundays with him watching football.
Deep down, I must have known something wasn't right with him.  While we were
sitting on the couch, I'd slide my feet under his legs and he'd keep them
warm for me.  Or else, I'd put my head on his lap.  His arm lay on my side
and sometimes I'd hold his hand.  I never could touch him enough.  I'd trade
every moment in my life right now just to feel his touch for a second.

I remember I was in thick of NaNoWriMo last year.  And Ray was always
cheering me on.  He didn't mind that I spent time away from him, pounding on
the keyboard, trying to make a story come to life.  He was always curious
about my word count and whether or not I would make the 50,000 word goal.

I'm not doing NaNoWriMo this year.  My real job is more demanding.  My
second job takes up a lot of time.  And I have a boyfriend who I love very
much and we need to spend time together.  A boyfriend doesn't replace my
husband.  My emotions for them are so separate, and yet they get so totally
wrapped up together.  Then I get all upset and he gets all upset and we’re a
mess.  I don’t know the rules yet with him and I wonder if I’ll ever know
the rules.

You know, I've been going through Ray's emails to me.  I can't believe how
loving they were.  We have hundreds of them, many I’ve saved and many he’s
saved.  It’s amazing looking back on it now that we lived in the same house
and wrote so many emails to each other.  I remember when we were both on
AOL, he on his computer downstairs, me on my computer upstairs, and IMing
each other, back and forth.  He was much faster than me.  I never got the
hang of the IM shortcuts.  But our fingers would be burning up the keys,
that’s for sure.

When he was alive, I took all those emails for granted.  Yeah, everybody
gets emails like that.  But, now I realize, those emails are our legacy
together.  No matter what happens in the future, I’ll always have Ray’s and
my written affirmation of our love.  I know how lucky I was to have a love
as rich and deep as Ray’s was for me and I hope he knew my love for him was
as deep as the sea.

I brought Ray more candy today.  I guess I think if I keep bringing him
things, then maybe he’ll come back to me.  But it doesn’t seem to work.  He’
s still in under the ground and I’m still walking on it and I suppose that
will be way things are no matter how much candy or flowers I bring to him.

It was another raw day at the cemetery.  The wind was whipping the flurries
around.  I was the only one in Ray’s section for a while, so I let the tears
flow and I talked out loud, very LOUD.  “I miss you.  I love you.  I’m only
half a person without you.”

The flurries kept rushing past me.  I know he heard me.  I know he
understands.  And I know he feels frustrated, because he can’t do anything
about it either.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com

For what is it to die,
But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?
~Kahlil Gibran
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