TheBanyanTree: Long Week

[Monique Colver]

Feelings are messy things. Sometimes they're quite inconvenient, and I know
that more than once, or twice, they've interfered with my imitation of a
properly run life. I am a great advocate of Getting In Touch With Your
Feelings, and the fact that it's capitalized should emphasize how very
important this is. I write this with more than a touch of irony. Perhaps an
economy size amount of irony, the amount you can find if you shop at Costco,
where nothing comes in a small package.

I risk the ire of experts when I say this, but cutting is, during those
times, one of the least harmful things you can do to yourself. Stew cut, and
it usually helped relieve the pressure and pain. If I were a cutter I'm sure
I'd have a multitude of scars. Instead, I carry my scars on the inside. We
all have scars somewhere, and I try to laugh at mine, it makes the edges a
bit duller. Especially the funny shaped ones. They're highly amusing, if
looked at in the right light. Sometimes this takes years. Some of them I
ignore altogether in favor of peace of mind.

Monique
The daily blog:

http://tiny.cc/MoniquesBlog


On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 9:48 AM, Dave <dseaman at prairienet.org> wrote:

> Jan. 7th, 2008 at 7:20 PM
>
> Last week was a long week of anxiety and fear. I cut myself. I think the
> anxiety was mostly associated with the lingering head cold that wouldn't go
> away, or would dissipate and then return in full force. Sunday morning I
> woke up relieved of the anxiety, and it continued today. Common ailments
> have been almost non existent since the onset of my mental illness - or
> medications. It seems I get right to the edge of a cold, enough to become
> very irritated, and then it goes away the next day. Not this time though.
> Every month there is something new to learn.
>
> There is also the feeling that I'm on the edge of a depression episode, but
> it just doesn't rise to the surface. That should be a good thing,
> clinically. But I worry about the parts of me that are suppressed by
> medication. I don't run the gamete of emotions that I once did. That should
> be a good thing too, until I can fully manage my feeling. I dislike feelings
> really. Which probably is why I find myself in this current state.
>
> Dave
>