TheBanyanTree: prairienet

[David Seaman]

I'm going to be losing the Prairienet email address I've used for a couple
decades at the end of the month. Prairienet is going under because as a
nonprofit it can't afford the hardware or software to keep up with the
spam continually bombarding it’s servers. One of the first networks to use
the Internet in the public sector can’t keep up with the Internet growth
and is shutting down on December 31st. I’ve already subscribed to The Tree
on my Gmail account.

The Espresso-Fiction email list that spent a few years nibbling on
Prairienet’s bandwidth will be moved to a web based environment thanks to
my friends Ed and Jacob. I’m out of the loop. Loss of motivation on many
fronts keeps me from paying attention to that list the way it deserves.

I’ve been lurking comfortably on The Tree for some time now, reading it
through my Pnet address, which I’ve used for this purpose since The Spoon
days. My posts are few but there is a reason for that. I spend much time
on Live Journal posting about my life because I have a support system of
friends that I know personally and see on a regular basis. There is
spiritual support as well as support from friends that I need, at times,
desperately.

A couple years back I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder
(BPD). Those who know of what I speak are probably rolling their eyes
about now. BPD is not a favorite among those who have to deal with the
mentally ill. We are a difficult population to live with or treat. Most
have a fancy for drama and outbursts of anger. My anger, unfortunately,
bursts inward. BPD’s are known for chronic depression, anxiety, and
suicide attempts. I’ve survived five. We are also popular for self-injury
(SI), which is really a minor attribute of the illness compared to some of
the more flamboyant aspects.

I’m a believer of speaking out about mental illness, since it is an
illness, in hopes of dispelling some of the age-old stigmas surrounding
the emotionally disturbed. I haven’t written about it at all on this list
but I hope to share some of my previous posts from my journal as a way of
saying good-bye to my beloved old network that served me for so many
years. I’ve already had lots of comments and support from many friends; so
don’t feel obliged to offer me response unless you are compelled to do so.

Some of the posts are edgy, some are merely observations made during
‘mental health’ days when I’m unable to go to work. Some poetry, some
reverie, plenty of anger and whining. If people get sick of me please say
so. I’ll understand. It gets old, but it never goes away.

Net love to all,
Dave Seaman