TheBanyanTree: Today

[Monique Colver]

Today I woke up far too early, considering I don't have to be at my
desk today (and I'm not, I'm at my couch, which is an entirely
different thing), and I thought of what I need to do today. I hadn't
slept well, I'd had cramps before bed, then severe cramps at 3 am, and
at last I'd fallen asleep again. I'm far too old, I think, for these
sorts of afflictions, but that doesn't seem to mean anything anymore.
Aren't there any advantages to this aging thing? I take on the old
problems and keep the original ones? What sort of plan is this?

My house is a mess. We've been busy with work and school and life. The
job's been hectic, though by Friday afternoon things were looking up
as my new staff members began settling in. My blood pressure is still
up, but it I'm working on it. I worry about everything possible, and
even things that aren't possible. I'm grieving the loss of a best
friend. There are so many things I want to do that I currently can't
because of limitations – time, money, space, strength, know-how.

But none of that mattered this morning at 6:30. Nothing mattered. I
lay there listening to the sound of my family breathing as they slept.
My husband, my dogs. I put my hand on my husband's arm and said, "I
know you're sleeping but I need to tell you something."

I am not a patient person.

He mumbled something and turned towards me. I wanted to let him keep
sleeping but I had to tell him, it wasn't something I could keep
inside any longer, not something I could live with alone anymore.

"I have to tell you that I am so happy, that I am the luckiest person
I know, and that I have such a great life I can't keep it to myself."

He mumbled, or snored, and I doubt he heard anything at all, but
that's okay, I can repeat it later when he's conscious.

Stew is pleased by this, I'm sure of it. Another incentive to live a
good life, to know he's smiling about it.


-- 
Monique Colver