TheBanyanTree: Office Supplies

[Monique Colver]

My desk, such as it, is littered with an assortment of handy supplies, along
with the piles of paper and useless detritus that has somehow made its way
here. Like a brochure from the garbage people, telling me what to do with my
garbage. (I typically throw it out and let them handle it from there, but
apparently there are some sort of procedures.) Addresses that I have yet to
put in a safe place, since I haven't yet decided on a safe place, sit around
on envelopes and scribbled on pieces of paper, and nothing can be done with
them until I decide on a safe place to store them. How hard could that be?
Obviously it must be quite difficult, for the addresses haven't moved in
quite a long time.

A box of paper clips has reappeared, after yesterday's shredding session. I
am bedeviled by paper clips. They disappear, they reappear, and when I most
need one they aren't to be found. It's as if they go to a secret hiding
place so they can laugh at me behind my back. Or from wherever. I can't
really tell where they're laughing at me from. Right now they're quite
visible, but that could change as soon as I need one.

I have a cylindrical writing instrument holder filled with writing
instruments that are of no use to me. Sharpies and colored pencils, none of
which I use during the course of a day. When I need a pen I search
frantically for one, because they hide underneath the papers, elusive little
pens mostly that skitter underneath the closest stack of paper when they see
me reaching for them. There's also a straw in my cylindrical writing
instrument holder, wrapped, in case I should have a straw emergency. It
happens.

I have my stapler and my scissors and my post-it notes, pink, on the right
side, and usually they stay there, even though they're in my way. I also
have a stack of used post-it notes that I should review to see if I can toss
them out or not. A tiny pewter bear that's been misplaced is here. It
doesn't belong here, but somehow it climbed up here anyway.

I did move the stamps and return address labels to the credenza last week,
which sits not behind me, but to my right, so that's progress. Also on the
credenza is a pretty red hard drive which has all my music on it. It's not
currently attached to anything so it's not doing me any good. My printer
sits there too, a big thing that eats expensive ink but makes pretty
pictures.

I also have a variety of pharmaceuticals on my desk. They're threatening to
crowd out the other occupants. My daily meds, which are kept here so I
remember to actually take them, because otherwise I wouldn't think of it.
Ibuprofen from yesterday, when I injured my knee. This is a dangerous job,
requiring me to sit for sometimes hours, and somehow, in all that activity,
I injured my knee. It's all better now. My fiber supplement, chewable
berry-flavored tablets that are somewhat like candy. They'd have to be, for
me to take them regularly. A container of chocolate, and I use the term
loosely, calcium chews. And added just the other day, a package of Zantac.
That one was a special gift from Andrew, who thought it might help. It might
have.

There is flotsam all around me, on the desk, the credenza, the printer stand
(which does not hold a printer, but does hold my speakers on top, with a
variety of helpful office organizers that are unused, rendering them
unhelpful but instead a waste of space, and paper with which to feed the
voracious printer), the file cabinet to the left of me, the 3 drawer
organizer next to that which has, oddly enough, an empty drawer. Two weeks
ago I did a massive office organization and restructuring and brought in
many things that were still in the garage. I stopped midway through the
project and ever since have been meaning to get back to it. Meaning to do
something and doing it are two entirely separate things in my world.

And now I really must do something with my office this week, before Friday,
because on Friday morning my bosses, all two of them, are coming here.
They've promised me donuts, which will help to ease my suffering, and I'll
be quite happy to see them because they are quite entertaining (and we shall
have our monthly staff meeting, just as an added bonus), and Scott will be
able to fix my IP phone problem. I currently have 2 IP phones and 2 routers
lying uselessly about, and one set of them will be made to work so clients
can stop calling me on my cell phone. If it weren't for this, my computer
issues, we could have met at a nice restaurant and they wouldn't be
subjected to seeing my office, but alas, see it they must, so clean it up I
must, for if they were to take a look at this they would suspect that they'd
made an error somewhere in their hiring process, that perhaps there might
have been a neater candidate.

And there might well have been. Neat accounting candidates are not hard to
find. I have other qualities, however, such as, well, I'm entertaining.
Never discount the entertainment factor. It's gotten me this far.

M