TheBanyanTree: That Was the Week That Was

[Margaret R. Kramer]

Ray probably enjoyed watching me this week.  He got to see me start moving
out of my fog.  I could almost hear him chuckling . . .

It all started when I was taking Shadow to the vet for his annual shots.  I
was cruising along, heading towards downtown St. Paul, when my car died.
Just like that, it stopped in the left turn lane on a busy street during
evening rush hour.

“Oh, great,” I thought, “Some asshole is not going to be paying any
attention and will slam right into me.”  I fumbled for my cell phone, oh,
those phones make life so much easier in emergencies like this one.  I
called my auto club as I switched on my hazard lights and watched in the
rearview mirror as people maneuvered around me.

Some with guy with an accent answered and began asking me for all my
information, like my name, address, and where the car was at.  Something
told me my call wasn’t in Kansas anymore, but my signal was firmly placed
somewhere in India.  Now that makes a lot of sense, having an auto club
dispatch center in India for American drivers.

I gave him my location and he told me he couldn’t find it on the map, and
therefore, couldn’t send out a tow.  I couldn’t believe it!  I hung up and
then called information and they gave me a couple of tow numbers.  They
connected me to one and the dispatcher said they had a lot of complaints
about this auto company.  She knew exactly where I was and immediately sent
out a tow.  Then she called the auto club and got a verification number so I
wouldn’t have to pay for it.  What a woman!

The tow came very quickly, within 10 minutes of the call.  Asher came and
took Shadow home.  Susan was on her way to meet me at the dealership where I
was having the car towed.  All the pieces fell into place and believe it or
not, no one slammed into me either!

However, before I left the house, I put Axel into Ray’s office and shut the
door.  It was very windy that day and I didn’t want Axel bolting out of the
house when I was trying to wrestle with Shadow.  Both dogs huddle up against
the door whenever they think they might be going for a walk and I was
worried that the screen door would blow open and Axel would escape.

When Asher got to my house, he found that Axel had chewed and clawed his way
through Ray’s office door.  There were carpet pieces and wood splinters from
the door all over the place.   He cleaned the mess up.  What a guy!  But I’m
left with a small hole at the bottom of Ray’s door and some shredded carpet
on the threshold.

The diagnosis on my car was that the speed sensor went out.  The speed
sensor tells the engine how fast the crank shaft is rotating, helping the
car keep track of its speed.  Thank goodness the car died where it did and
not in the middle of the freeway.  The total cost to me - $365 – because I
had them do an oil change and replace my wiper blades while I was there.

I canceled my auto club the next day and I signed up with AAA.  Their call
center is in Omaha, NE.

The second incident happened a couple of days later.  We have a baseboard
electric heater in the new part of our kitchen.  Back last winter, the knob
which controlled the temperature and turned the heater off and on broke.
Ray was going to replace it, but the part cost $20 and that’s back when we
were pretty broke, so we decided to skip it until spring.

I remember seeing the knob laying around at one time, but I can’t find it
now.  I don’t know if Ray put it somewhere or if I did.  I looked for it in
logical places, but I can’t find it.  I decided to take off the baseboard
cover and write down the manufacturer’s name and part number.

I wrote that down and then I decided to look over the small black box which
is the temperature control to try to figure out how to get the knob back
into it.  A wire must hit something and all of a sudden a little spark flew
up and smoke came flying out.  “Oh, shit,” I said.  I put it all back
together.  I knew I had shorted out the heater.

I could hear Ray asking me if our house would still be standing a year from
now.  Not a good start for my beginnings on house maintenance all by myself.

I did get the baseboard heater working again by flipping the switch on the
circuit breaker.  I’ll shut it off that way, too, when it gets warmer and I
don’t need the heat in the kitchen, since it’s the only thing on that
particular circuit.  I’ll worry about that stupid knob some other time.
There’s always tomorrow, you know.

Ray’s primary care physician met with me this week and we went over the
autopsy.  Ray’s lungs were next to useless and when he got pneumonia in the
hospital, they were really useless.  His entire colon was still very
infected even at the time of death.  His lungs gave out, which was the
ultimate cause of his death.  His doctor told me that there was a saying,
“Pneumonia is an old man’s best friend,” because it prevented someone from
dying a more painful and prolonged death.

Ray’s doctor also told me that Ray was always a happy and upbeat guy.  True.
And that Ray and I had a wonderful relationship.  He said a lot of people
never have what Ray and I had.  True again.  That was nice of him to say and
I’m glad Ray mentioned us to his doctor.

It was very important for me to get the autopsy report and it was very
important for me to talk to his doctor.  I did a lot of crying.  I had this
weird idea if I met with Ray’s doctor, then somehow he would wave a magic
wand and Ray would be back with me.

Meeting with Ray’s doctor was another hoop I had to go through to realize
Ray is dead and I will not see him again on this earth.

And realizing this is helping me get some peace.  For the first since Ray
died, I don’t feel like I’m walking around with a big rock on my shoulders.
My world is clearer.  I feel more like ME again instead of a numb stranger.

I also got a part-time job.  I’ll be scoring 4th grade math tests from kids
in Arkansas.  I’ll find out if I’m smarter than a 4th grader!  I’ll work 20
hours a week and get paid $13.25, which isn’t bad for part-time work.  I
need to get some money in the kitty.  I start my job on April 28, so I have
one more week of “freedom.”

I spent most of the evenings this week cleaning out my garden beds.  I raked
off the wet leaves and found little green sprouts pushing up from the soil.
I bagged up the leaves and hauled the bags off to the compost site today.

Ray loved planting flowers in the garden, but the work, like preparation, he
left to me.  I enjoyed being outside this week with dogs running about in
the yard, listening to the spring bird calls and smelling the moist rich
earth.

Finally, Susan and the boys and I went out to eat tonight at our favorite
Korean restaurant.  We’ve been semi-regulars for years.  The waitress asked
me where my husband was.  And I just started crying.  A grief burst.  A
grief burst is like a spring storm.  They came out of nowhere.  They’re
intense and scary.  And then they’re gone.  Just like that.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com

www.polarispublications.com

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we
don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but
have to let go.
~Unknown
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