TheBanyanTree: Stew's Escape

[Julie Anna Teague]

>> I am convinced that hospitals are just run down hotels where
>> no one  wants go to, and if they do get a victim/patient, they arrange to
>> keep them and  keep them until they are rescued or escape, so desperate
>> they are for  income.
>
> Unless, of course, you actually *need* treatment, then they make you go
> home the next day because your insurance won't pay for it.

That's been more in line with my several surgery experiences.  "You'll 
need someone to drive you home afterwards," they say, rather casually, 
after they've explained the horrific thing you are about to go through, 
the thing that at one time would land you in the hospital for a week, 
but which is now done as outpatient surgery.  What they should say is 
that you'll need someone by your side from the get go, someone to help 
find a doctor after a nurse has come in briefly, pumped you full of 
medicines to which you are having a major allergic reaction, and then 
left.  When you start screaming that fire ants are eating your scalp 
and scratching clumps of your own hair out, you'll want someone who 
knows that you are, in normal circumstances, sane, and there might be 
something to your claims.  Afterwards, you'll need someone to help you 
get your arms into your sweater, your underwear on straight, and socks 
on your feet, and quick-like, because they are kicking you out of the 
recovery room where you've been roughly shaken awake, rather shocked 
and not sure where you are and all hopped up on the fifteen drugs 
they've pumped in.  You'll need someone to ask all the right questions 
such as, "She needs to take how many of these when?" and then dig 
through your purse to find the prescription card to fill a prescription 
which they've failed to mention that you'll need immediately after the 
surgery.  And yes, then, drive you home (which is the part they 
mentioned), locking you safely in the car with your head positioned 
carefully so as not to allow you to choke on your own vomit, while they 
run in to fill your prescription.  Half carry you into the house, help 
you to the bathroom for the next 24 hours, make sure you are hydrated, 
still breathing, properly medicated, and not bleeding too profusely 
from any of the bandages.  In other words, you'll need someone to act 
as a nurse stand-in, because they are kicking you out of the place 
where they have the nurses that take care of people after surgery.  
This person is likely a different person than the casual acquaintance 
you might consider asking to drive you home.  This Someone should 
preferably be someone who has seen you naked and has more than a 
passing interest in whether you live or die.

Julie