TheBanyanTree: Educating Foreigners

[Woofie]

Hello nutters,

  I have just arrived home after escorting some Scottish friends around our fair city and the port of Fremantle. Being Scottish, naturally they do not speak English. However, we have been able to communicate and converse fairly well using sign language. 

It has also helped that they brought their personal interpreter with them, a very British German Gentleman (it is rather complicated, dear readers), who is able to translate the more complex queries, when sign language falls down. For example:

"Och mon! Nicht de nicht erm the noo!"

This would be totally impossible to comprehend with mere sign language skills, but the British German Gentleman was able to convert it to an approximate English meaning as:

"Where's the bloody dunny? I am about to bust me bladder here!"

Thus avoiding a potentially embarrassing accident:)

[There was one somewhat mortifying incident today, which I will mention in passing...the British German Gentleman accused the Woofess of being unable to spell!!! And, it just so happens that the Woofess' sister found an old school report card from when the Woofess was in primary school a few weeks ago...Grade 5 to be exact..and gave it to her the other day. This report card proves the Woofess can spell! The result for Dictation reads  "100% - 1st in class"! Unfortunately I left the report card at work, so cannot display the evidence. Hence one must write with greater grammatical purity than one is normally wont to so do, just in order to repair this damaged reputation! BAH!]

Yes well..where was I? Oh yes...I decided to treat our Scottish friends to a train trip to Freo...oops! Fremantle. On the train trip they would also be able to espy the Indian Ocean, which is hard to see clearly in Scotland. It is hard to see there due to all the rain and mist which falls continually in that country.

Alas and alack! I had to treat them to the Clayton's Train! In case you are wondering, the Clayton's Train is the train you get when you are not getting a train. The Clayton's Train, thinks it is a train, but is in reality an articulated bus - also called a bus and a half. Because it thinks it is a train, it weaves in and around and around the train line, stopping at all the train stops. The train stops are where the train would stop if it were running, which it wasn't because the train drivers, in honour of the Scottish Invasion, went on strike. They were obviously trying to make the Scottish visitors feel at home:) It is also St Andrew's Day today (St Andrew is the patron saint of Scotland), so this was doubly thoughtful of our train drivers:) Another benefit was the fact that the Clayton's travel was free. Being apprised of this fact was music to a Scotsman's ears!

Now, the Clayton's Train, being a bus and a half, has great difficulty navigating tight corners and round abouts. This meant that the very last wheels, where we were sitting, had great difficulty staying on the road and ended up bouncing over curbs and slow pedestrians...

Many hours later we finally arrived in Fremantle. We repaired directly to a place of refreshment. The place of refreshment is called Little Creatures. It is actually a vast brewery. We never did see any little creatures - maybe they are nocturnal? Besides their own specialty brews, brewed on the premises, Little Creatures also serves a very superb imported English cider and also offers such uniquely English desserts such as Sticky Date pudding. This meant that we could introduce our Scottish visitors to new culinary delights, such as English fare. 

Our Scottish visitors were a little timid in tasting such foreign fare, as their staple diet is haggis and neeps - (Between you and me,  it was very fortunate that neither of these Scottish delicacies was to be found in Fremantle!), but they seemed to enjoy the new taste sensations:)

Luckily, we were treated to a train ride back to Perth from Fremantle. Obviously the train drivers had become bored with striking. On arrival in Perth we repaired to yet another hostelry of refreshment - a Rosy O' Grady's pub. For some strange reason this establishment was full of homesick Irishmen, who soon struck up a "conversation" with the Scots. "Conversation" is in inverted commas, because neither can understand anything the the other is saying. However, this didn't seem to worry them, as due to the noise of all the patrons, no one could hear what anyone said anyway.

Actually, our Scottish visitors have been incredibly fortunate. They actually got to witness a unique Australian male tribal custom - the Mateship Ritual! Tourists do not get to witness this very often, as it has very deep religious and spiritual significance and thus strangers would not be invited to attend one. Also, as with observing all wildlife, actually being in the right place at the right time, is pure luck. Usually, the closest tourists can see something similar is when witnessing a rugby scrum, which is a symbolic  and civilised rendering of the actual Mateship Ritual Ceremony. 

Not only did our Scottish friends get to witness the genuine article first hand, they actually had ringside seats, so to speak, as well!

Click here to see a photo I sneakily took of this ceremony today.
http://www.pbase.com/woofess/image/89709421

W:)



-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie ,                         mailto:woofie at woofess.com

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"Woofess is right, as usual.." maxdog (Tallahassee, FL) 27/1/98

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