TheBanyanTree: Shopping Stress!!

[Woofie]

Hello nutters,

  As youse all know, the Woofess was behind the door when they handed
  out the Suzy HomeMaker gene and the Suzy Shopping gene.

  Unfortunately yesserday, one of the leddies at work, Bek, came into
  our office area and was giving me some cheek. Not being one to
  humbly put up with such crap, I gits out of me chair and stomps up
  to her with me hands in pockets and me legs apart...inna typical
  threatening, gunslinger pose.

  Instead of being suitably intimidated, she burst into hysterics...so
  badly that she hunched over almost double and nearly collapsed...I
  thot she was gonna suffer a serious asthma attack...I kids youse
  not!!

  After recovering....much much much later, she pointed out that the
  zip in me pants was completely undone...unfortunately by that time a
  large crowd of gawking sightseers had already gathered...

  Bugger it!! Them pants hadda go, cuz the zip would not stay up and
  it was not worth putting new zips in em (and they was in the same
  state as much of the Woof's work clothes)...and double bugger it...it
  meant a shopping trip...and triple bugger it, the Woofess had not
  gone clothes' shopping for years..and quadruple bugger it, it meant
  facing the dreaded horrors of the shopping centre!

  So terday I took a lunch break (an extremely rare occurrence) and
  farted orf downtown...went into the nearest dept store and grabbed
  wotever was closest (if you think the Woofess is gonna actually look
  around from shop ter shop you gotta nuther think coming!!)..shot
  into the changing room and tried onna few pairs of pants and did the
  new Patented Woof Zip Test...this, in case youse is wondering, is
  taking a deep breath, bending over at the waist and straining yer
  gut at said zip..if it holds, then it passes.

  Finding a few pairs of pants wot passed the zip test, I grabbed a
  few tops off racks (no I did not try em on, cuz that would have
  meant another trip to the dreaded changing rooms!)  and shot over
  ter the sales counter...couldn't git out of there quick enough,
  folks..why the heck are them  big dept stores so hot and humid?

  I staggers back to work, puffing, sweating and feeling all faint and
  the reception leddy looks at me and asks if I is alright..

  "NO!" I tells her, "And it is all Bek's fault!"

  W:)
  PS...I did git meself a new pair of Adidas runners at a sports
  store...they is white with lots of red bits, wot means they will go
  fast:)

-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie ,                         mailto:woofie at woofess.com

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"Woofess is right, as usual.." maxdog (Tallahassee, FL) 27/1/98

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