TheBanyanTree: The Street, Part III

[Terri W.]

I am so grateful and relieved and amazed at my beautiful friends in this tree.  So many of you wrote, both here and in private, your thoughts to help me out of my quandary.  Some made revision suggestions, which I considered seriously.

In the end, I sent the note as it was.  I did more research, and learned Bill's parents are in their 80s.  They won't be coming to the memorial service that is to be held Feb 11 here, because they are just too frail.  I also found out that, although he was the son and the grandson of Lutheran ministers, Bill was a Buddhist.  So I felt my spiritual references were okay.

Your offers to send funds just bowled me over.  And Miss SarahAnne Hazelwood, you are a sweet goddess.
And sneakysneakysneaky.  :-D

I had lunch with my best girlfriend today and told her of my free-floating anxiety.  I told her my co-workers didn't seem to get, really, that it could have been any of us in that accident.  And it doesn't matter if I knew Bill or not.  Quoting John Donne to them isn't going to help, either.  I told her about my friends at The Banyan Tree (who I also do not KNOW) and got all weepy.  When we got home, I offered her the handwritten card, and said, "Tell me, really, should I send this?"  She read it and looked up with tears in her eyes.  "This is beautiful.  Just letting them know TWICE that he wasn't in pain.  And taking the time to do is.  Why in the world would you NOT send this?"

So I did.  And felt instantly better.  I like to know what's going on with me, and when something bothers me, I want to define it and learn from it.  But this time... I just let it go.  And knew, after I mailed the note, that I'd done the right thing.

There are flyers all over the neighborhood about Bill's memorial service.  Word travels fast in the theater community, and when we lose one of our own, it is always family.  I was surprised when I went into the store for work today; there are two flyers up there, too.  It's against Trader Joe's policy to post announcements or ads or posters or flyers.  But apparently our Captain made an exception in this case. 

For another perspective on the night of the accident and Bill, go here:

http://algerblog.blogspot.com/

and read the entry "A Passing Scoundrel."  

There was also an online petition begun to sign to install a traffic light at that crosswalk.  But so many calls poured into LA Transportaion Department, a light is already scheduled to be installed.  Last week's City Council adjourned early, in memory of Bill.  This terrible accident simply did not have to happen.

However, it has become clear also that the driver of the car went AROUND the stopped cars to plow through the crosswalk.  He didn't consider why they might be stopped.  Rebecca Gayheart, a Hollywood actress, made the same tragic mistake a few years ago.  Faced with some stopped cars and in a hurry, she swerved right around them.  And killed a 6-year-old boy who was crossing the street.  We are in such a rush, on the phone, multi-tasking.  Killing people.

I finally did reach a place of peace about the death -- if not about the accident.  It is terrible to die because of a careless mistake, of course.  But if we have to die -- and we all do -- dying instantly, without any deterioration or illness or decay  or pain or or hospitals or long long years of anticipating the death, is an enviable way to go.  We'd all like to think we will die in our sleep when we are ninety.  But very few people are fortunate enough to have this happen.

And it is also very sad he was so young.  When I thought more about this, I realized we feel that way because he had unfinished business.  He still had so much left to do.  But again, if we are lucky, we, too, will die with unfinished business.  Projects we didn't complete, loose ends dangling.  Otherwise, we have outlived our usefulness, and are being warehoused somewhere, waiting for the end.  

What is the most terrible part here is the people who will miss him.  The life of the driver, altered forever, if not ruined.  Both families.  The partner, bereft.  The loss is what is so hard to handle.  Bill, himself, is fine.

"Every man's death diminishes me, because I am a part of mankind."

There I said it.

Thank you, dear friends, for your love and support and kind words.  My heart sprang up through my anxiety yesterday when I realized I had a wise group I could seek counsel from.  What a lucky girl I am. And  I am so, so grateful to you.