TheBanyanTree: One Fine Day

[maria gibson]

Happiness and contentment, not always or exactly the same thing.  I wouldn't
classify myself as happy these days.  In fact, I have a fair amount of
sadness lingering, an under current of not quite wishing things were
different and not quite satisfied that circumstances are what they are.
This is the stage of getting worse before it gets better, the darkness
before the dawn.  But storms bring much needed rain and darkness brings an
appreciation for light.  It's not just ok to acknowledge that to have the
good one must endure pain, it's a necessity and although it can be
unpleasant, it serves a purpose.  Without the purpose this would just be
hell on earth.

But on occasion I awaken with a certain contentment.  The acknowledgment
that for all the pain this course has caused and all the birthing cramps I
am constantly enduring, this feels right for me.  A quietness has entered
me, a peaceful awareness that I had to do something for myself.  The cocoon
was uncomfortable for all its security and now the wings are ready to unfurl
even in their dewy and infantile state.  What baby knows the way of life to
come before squeezing past the comfortable inner folds of their maternal
home?  Not knowing doesn't stop the need to push forth into the unknown and
frightening light.  It is the instinctive drive of moving past what is known
and comfortable to seek that which is a desire without a name or a face that
keeps us going in a new direction; destination unknown.

So.  Today is a good day.  The under current is there but is lazy and
without riptide.  The surface waters are calm and clear.  The sun shines on
the ripples; the ripples know not how far they will reach.  Spring is here
on the calendar and here in my heart.  Spring brings storms and cold days
followed by hot.  Spring brings uncertainty with an end goal of growth.
Blue skies, blooming flowers and green grass.  They do eventually emerge.

Maria