TheBanyanTree: Resistance is Futile

[Monique Young]

The first time I came into contact with a Bluetooth apparatus I was unaware
of what a Bluetooth was, though I'd frequently heard the name bandied about.
I love technology because it enables me to take pictures with my phone, but
I don't keep up on all the current trends.           

I was in a meeting. On the table before me lay two space age objects with
flashing lights. I didn't know what they were, where they'd come from, or
anything else, but I was pretty certain they weren't bombs so I wasn't
overly concerned. (Meetings with bombs equals unsuccessful meeting, in my
opinion.) 
The flashing lights were sort of pretty, if one is into that sort of thing.
My son would have, if he'd been there, pointed and gurgled, "Oooh, pretty!"
and then proceeded to grab at them, assuming they were obviously for him.
But I have no son, so the devices were safe.   At the end of the meeting I
noticed the objects were gone. Now I was suspicious. Did they transport
themselves elsewhere, were they spying devices? Where could they have gone
to?

Then the leader of the meeting spoke to me and as I turned to respond I saw
a giant electronic slug attached to his ear, firmly clamped on as if
preparing to suck the life force from its victim.

I may have screamed, I'm not sure, but since the individual in question just
kept talking to me I'm sure the scream was only internal. I'm not sure what
he was talking about as my attention was focused on the slug. Should I alert
him? Should I say something? Or would the slug, hearing my warnings, jump
from its victim and attach itself to me? In the interest of
self-preservation I kept my mouth shut, but only figuratively, as I'm sure
it remained open literally.

Then the person on the other side of me spoke, and I turned from the
electronic slug only to find yet another staring at me! 
I was certain I was in the midst of a plague, rather like the great locus
plagues. The things, these creatures, would attach themselves to any head
that wandered past. I scrumptiously poked at my own ears to make sure there
wasn't anything unusual going on.  Since that time, I've been fortunate (and
I use the term loosely) to see these amazingly odd devices everywhere. One
day, at the dog park, a man without a dog or a companion strode
energetically across a field, talking loudly. In these situations it is
sometimes difficult to tell the schizophrenics from the technologically
enhanced.

I'm not sure why people need to be that closely connected to their phone. I
like to think we've become so lazy that anything involving movement is
slated for demolition. But after all, picking up a phone and holding it to
one's ear is an awful lot of work for the return. I am reminded of the Borg,
and I'm certain this is one of the steps toward assimilation. Resistance is
futile, and all that.

Many people will give me valid reasons why we need these objects, and can
tell us how the invention of Bluetooth was a step in the right direction for
humankind, and how misguided I am (this is not uncommon). Please, don't feel
you need to educate me, because my rejoinder will be, "But it just looks
silly anyway." I just don't consider the advent of ear clamping electronic
slugs to be a good thing.

Monique Colver lives happily without Bluetooth for the moment, but we will
not rule out the possibility that some day she will be overcome with a
desperate need for her very own Bluetooth device, thanks to strategic
marketing and a long desired wish to appear important enough to be
accessible at all times. Until then, she subsists happily with a traditional
cell phone that also doubles as a camera. She can be reached at
<mailto:monique at moniquewrites.com> monique at moniquewrites.com