TheBanyanTree: The Lupine Nemesis

[Woofie]

  Lately, for some strange reason, the Woofess keeps suffering a loss of
  separation with little old Italian ladies, who do not speak English
  very well.

  This morning's episode happened on the bus on the way to work. I was
  sitting in the disabled seat (being still somewhat disabled after my
  first encounter with little old Italian ladies) across from another
  little old Italian lady, who was facing me.

  Unfortunately the bus almost had a severe loss of separation with
  another vehicle and put his brakes on very hard. The inertial thrust
  from this action on the driver's part (remember Newton's laws and
  inertia and all that fizzics crap!) caused the Woofess to become
  fully airborne and to be hurled forward in a perfect trajectory type
  arc like a bullet.

  The Lupine Bullet landed fair and square and was buried in the ample
  flesh of the little old Italian lady.

  This time it was the little old Italian lady, I suspect, who was
  more injured than the Woofess...just imagine being head butted by a
  Woofess at great force! However, she was very brave about it and was
  more worried about the Woofess.

  The Woofess, at this stage, was starting to mutter to herself about
  being terrorised by little old Italian ladies wearing grey coats and
  speaking in foreign tongues.

  The Woofess limped into work (not all of her landed in the ample
  bosom of the little old Italian lady) muttering and mumbling and
  twitching. By now she was hallucinating about little old Italian
  leddies with red eyes, horns on their heads and "666" branded on
  their chests.

  She must have been behaving quite strangely cuz the boss, Musluv,
  took one look at her and told her to get a cab and go home. Being a
  timid little lowly at work, she obeyed him without argument.

  Well..almost without argument...

  "Wot's the bet," she asks Musluv, the boss, "That the cab driver I
  get is a little old Italian lady cab driver?!!"

  OK..so the cab driver was not a lady and not that old, but he was
  little and he was Italian!!! He was also the scariest driver the
  Woofess had ever encountered. He tailgated every vehicle in front of
  him and swerved from lane to lane without warning, which caused some
  considerable distress to the Woofess, who had to hold her
  previously battered ribs together. This was so they wouldn't fall
  onna floor of the cab and make her have to bend over ter pick em up.

  But.....that's not all, folks!!!!!

  ....
  .......
  .........

  Have you ever come across anyone stupid enough (and particularly a
  cab driver!!!) ...I mean really stupid...unbelievably
  stupid..someone dumb enough to honk his horn at 3 vehicles and give
  the drivers the finger?

  Not just any vehicles and not just any drivers..........


  But.....

  Cop vehicles, driven by cops!!!!!!

  Amazingly, the Woofess reached home, and after a doc prescribed
  tranquiliser (she who never touches such stuff normally!!) and a
  couple of pain killers, she had finally stopped mumbling and
  twitching.

  Now please...if you know any little old Italian ladies, please keep
  them away from me...please!!!!

  W:)

-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie ,                         mailto:woofie at woofess.com

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"Woofess is right, as usual.." maxdog (Tallahassee, FL) 27/1/98

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