TheBanyanTree: The joys of soundlessness

[Woofie]

Yesserday the dear ole harmless gerryatrick Woofess was subjected ter
much snickering and smartarse comments from her so called "friends".

Unfortunately, or fortunately (wotever tickles yer fancy) the Woofess
could not hear a word they said;)

That's cuz she still has ter wear ear plugs..iffen she doan it ain't
long afore the screamin demons start rattling her brain box...these
screamin demons is summat else, folks... I mean that every sound is
magnified and distorted and echoes and reverberates (Hey..I wanted ter
use that word, OK?!!) through yer brain box, like some idjit clangin
a mob of metal objects tergether.

Anyhows, the Woofess has perfected a brilliant defence against the
purveyors of metallic misery...them Scientologists would prolly say
the Woofess has been invaded by Thetans, but I digresses again, as
usual.... the defence is a combination of ear plugs and a beatific
smile. It is a combination thingy, yer sees...folks speak to you and
yer can't hear a word they is sayin, due ter the ear plugs, so yer jes
assumes this stupid smile on yer dial. It works a treat, folks:)

So there I was yesserday and all me "friends" was snickerin at me and
gigglin ter themselfs and I jes smiled beatifically back at them. I
did manage ter catch one comment wot was summat about ear plugs stuck
in ears and did the doc manage ter remove said ear plug? Naturally I
ignored this comment!

There was one problem, but.......

Young Kristy ( who is a kid, but a cool shooter:))) was RO'ing (range
officer) me fer a shooting stage...I was jes loading me gun after the
buzzer went orf and she yells at me (loud enough ter penetrate the
cotton wool of me ear muffs) ter tell me the buzzer had not gorn orf
yet. Natchurly I stops wot I is doing and stops loading etc and looks
at her wid a stupid look orn me dial and sez:

"But I was sure the buzzer went orf!"

Obviously it was the ringin in me head wot I thot was the buzzer..this
ringing starts up at odd moments. I tell youse, folks, it is bleedin
embarrassin!!

Anyways..I has managed ter solve one problem...the problem where a bit
of ear plug goes adrift and sticks in yer ear (Shaddap, youse
smartarses!!) I gort these ones wot is attached ter a cord, so the
bleeders can't escape and burrow into yer ear!! It jes looks a bit
weird wandering around with a cord dangling, specially in public
places...however, as most of the youth of today is attached by the ear
plug cords of their iPods, no one notices much;)

Though, I do admit ter a wee bit of embarrassment when I went into the
local pet store this arvo ter git some supplies fer our budgies (we
has a male budgie wot eats..yeah..literally..eats solid wooden nesting
boxes) and I had fergort about me ear plugs and coloured cable
attaching them..doan think I needed have worried, but, as bird store
owner is dottier than me..heck, he must be seeing as he added me
meagre purchases up orn his till and they came ter 3500 dollars
instead of 35!

Anyways, as I said, wearin ear plugs has major benefits..specially at
work...it means I doan hear the Screecher (one of our resident
loonies) screeching. Nor do I hear one of the other resident loonies
when she creeps in and starts rambling on about summat wot makes no
sense, wot she is wont ter do at regular intervals. You see the other
staff where I works, calls our division the Sheltered Workshop..they
calls it that cuz of alla loonies in our section. Actually, their
naming of our division is quite justified, cuz we does seem to have
more than the EEO required-by-law complement of loonies. Our most
famouse loony, who I has told yers all before is the one wid the metal
cylinder in her head wot was implanted by aliens when they abducted
her. She is allus fascinated by my aura.

And..as our division has now been taken over by the Health Dept (I
kids youse not!) we now has a real cool "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's
Nest" pic as our official desktop pic...yeah..we is callin our new
boss (from the Health Dept), Nurse Ratched:))

It really does help to have ear protection in these situations,
folks:)

-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie ,                         mailto:woofie at woofess.com

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"Woofess is right, as usual.." maxdog (Tallahassee, FL) 27/1/98

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Website: http://www.woofess.com
Photos: http://public.fotki.com/woofie/