TheBanyanTree: Bare to Bear

[Maria Gibson]

In case it doesn't seem so from all that I write and have to say these 
past months---I do appreciate everyone listening and reading.  I've 
gotten a lot of responses and a lot of support.  There have been a few 
occasions that I have turned someone away and I am truly sad about 
that.  I never meant to make some doubt what they thought they knew of 
me and yet I also can't edit and shy away from the truth just for those 
reasons.  They would be good reasons, to be sure, but not what is good 
for me.  I spend a good deal of time (although not nearly as much as 
before) doing what others need and want from me.  Here, I have to do and 
say what is needed just for my own sanity.  I try not to be offensive in 
the general sense and to keep to the ideals of this group.  I hope that 
counts for something.

One person said something like 'we bare our souls to bear our troubles' 
and it seemed a truer statement had never been made.  If not for this 
outlet, this tiny steam hole in the pressure cooker my life has become, 
all hell would break loose.  To think that what I've accomplished so far 
could be termed 'holding it together' seems a bit much but I dare say it 
could have been worse.

Another person reckoned my bar habit with the comment that we all have 
something that will 'satisfy the urge to waste time while hurting 
myself.'  It hits the nail on the head, I think.  There is an urge at 
hand, here, and it is not to be taken lightly.  The urge is to leave, 
abscond with myself, adios amigos, get outta Dodge, hit the road Jack, 
byebye.  I can take my leave here, sometimes, and it is ok.  Other times 
I have to leave the physical premises and not come back for a while.  It 
is a huge part of the problem.

But not to be side tracked, no, not the reason I am here.  I am here now 
to simply say thank you to so many.  I have been blessed to have 
stumbled upon such a group way back in the day.  I have been blessed to 
feel free enough to keep regurgitating my troubles and woes and to get 
so many different perspectives on them.  There is a lot of concern out 
there, I guess I should say that, too.  Well, yeah, I'm a little 
concerned myself.  Thanks for making me feel not lonely.   I'm doing 
everything I can for myself to include some chemical help and a 
therapist not to mention a doctor I trust implicitly.  I have this steam 
hole into which I can sometimes release the pressure and it is not to be 
taken lightly, either, and may be the best therapy yet........ 

Love and I mean it,
Maria