TheBanyanTree: Outed

[PJMoney]

The 40 days - Purpose Driven Life thing is spreading like a virus.  The
reason I know is that after Tracey blew this town down it was rebuilt on a
government town planner's model.  So except for the oldest (and newest)
suburbs they all have a central spot where there is an oval, a primary
school and a little shopping centre.  Some suburbs have high schools in this
central area.  And the government also allocated areas for the building of
churches.  They are clustered.  Drive past one and you'll be driving past a
few.

On Vanderlin Drive in Casuarina there is the Potters House, the Uniting
Church and a mosque.  Further down the same road there's the Faith Centre,
St James' Anglican and a Pentecostal-type-place the name of which I don't
know.  Next door to the church where I go is yet another Pentecostal church.
By the banners hanging out front it seems that several of these churches
have been running the program, as did we.

Now, I'm a home body and getting old and tired.  Come Friday evening I don't
want to be going anywhere.  Actually, come Friday to Thursday evening I
don't want to be going anywhere, but especially I don't want to go out on
Friday evenings.  Also, compared to most people, we have a fairly odd
lifestyle.  We don't eat dinner until about 9 at night, usually later.
Partly that's a hangover from the days when I never knew when my husband
would get home.  I'd wait till he did before I started preparing the meal
and that was usually around 7 or 7.30 if not later.  Partly that's also a
hangover from my subsequent, deeply depressed days; days when I could barely
move let alone get interested in preparing vegetables and marinades.  But
the major thing is that something that starts at 8pm is either too early or
too late.  It does not suit our timetable.

Furthermore, these days my husband is on call a lot so we can't guarantee
that we'll be available for regular get togethers on any particular day of
the week.  In addition we both come from families where a social occasion
meant a family get together and nothing more.  On top of that in my family
the only one who was allowed to invite visitors was my Dad.  He hardly ever
did that and I, having been castigated severely once for intruding on his
peace by having a friend over, did not invite another one.  It didn't bother
me much because there were always books and solitude both of which I greatly
enjoy.  

I no longer know whether it's because of the way I was raised or because of
who and what I am but the fact is that I find social occasions exhausting
and stressful.  Once upon a time, if there was alcohol available I was
liable to drink too much of it in an attempt to relieve the discomforts of
trying to be sociable with people I barely knew and with whom I had almost
nothing in common.  That could backfire.  My husband is still amused by the
fact that I once told the president of the RACGP that I hate the *$#@!%ing
college and everything it stands for.  I do; and with good reason.  But the
fact that I said that is not something of which I'm proud.  I should have
been able to do it while completely sober.  I also should have been able to
use a more explicitly meaningful adjective or string of adjectives, though
right now I can't think of any.

Anyway, the 40 day thing (once a week for 6 weeks) came around and one of
the fellows at church made it perfectly clear that he expected us to attend.
So we made the big effort and made 5 out of the 6 weeks.  OK.  It was good.
We got to know the other people in our group much better than we'd known
them before.

But one of the fellows enjoyed the experience so much he wanted to continue
it.  That would have been OK if he had wanted to continue meeting together
at the church building; but no, he wanted us to meet together in each
others' homes on a rotating basis.  (That's when I should have said, "No".)
Another of the fellows was interested in pursuing this plan.  He's a man who
once had his very own flock and I suspect he wants to rekindle that sort of
leadership role for himself.  The reason I suspect that is that he told me
so.  That was when he and his wife invited us around to their place at 7pm,
for supper, and we thought he meant the evening meal (because who eats
earlier than 7?) and turned up with a bottle of wine to find ourselves in
the company of teetotallers who had already had their meal and were offering
us cake, biscuits and lemonade.  Pelagians, I think.  We had to buy Maccas
on the way home and eating that was almost as bad as eating the sweet stuff.

But I've digressed.  

We tried to keep on with the keeping on but stuff kept happening; call outs,
stress from contract negotiations, illness, cars breaking down.  So it's
been 5 weeks post "40 weeks" and we haven't yet made it to another group
meeting.  In the meantime the others have been going from house to house.

When it became plain that they were going to do that I told the fellow who
started it all that they could forget about coming to our place.  He wanted
to know why and I said it's because my place is a mess.  He said they'd help
me clean it.  Really!  As if that's what I want!  I don't hire cleaners
because they cost a bundle and do a rotten job.  Why would I want volunteers
in my home to show me up?  Why would I want anyone cleaning up my place for
free and making me feel obligated?

At least when I get around to each of the chores I do a good job.  At some
time or other some part of the house is clean.  Occasionally it's the
windows, fans and (cobweb-free) walls.  Sometimes it's the bathrooms and
toilets.  Most frequently it's the floors and kitchen.  None of us are
getting ill from living in our squalor but there is never a single time when
the whole house is sparkling and I simply don't want people in my house when
it's not sparkling.  If it's not sparkling I'm as sure as I can be that I
will be judged as a bad housewife even though housewife is only one of my
roles, and the least loved.  

And it's not just the grime.  It's the whole situation.  I have two sons and
two dogs and all their detritus.  I don't know where I'd put six extra
people among all the collected stuff.  Nor can I imagine that the extra
people would be happy putting up with all the dog angst and dog fluff.
Every time someone got up to get a drink of water or go to the toilet I'd
have to be running interference with the dogs, trying to protect people from
having their toes chomped.  Someone might say I should put the dogs outside.
I'd say, why?  The dogs are part of the family.   If they want to try and
keep the pack together they're just doing what they do and most of the time,
with us, it's fine even if not always altogether pleasant.  I'm not going to
criticise a herding dog for trying to herd.    

So today the fellow who started it all said they'd all be turning up at my
place next Friday evening.  I said, "No" again.  So I'm outed as a peculiar
person.  

What we plan to do is hire a room at a local restaurant and pay for a meal
for them all.  I'd rather spend money on a meal for 8 in a restaurant than
try to prepare for six extra people turning up at my place.  Is that
inhospitable?

Janice