TheBanyanTree: A Place Away

[NancyIee at aol.com]

Having a second abode is a blessing. It is a curse.

A small apartment in the city, a cottage by the lake, a cabin in the woods or 
on the beach; is the American dream. A place to get away, to enjoy nature and 
peace, to retreat and ponder, to heal or find the true solitude so rare those 
busy days.

 My parents had an aging cabin on a good fishing lake in Wisconsin.  It was 
perfect for family summers, for running in the woods, swimming off the dock, 
catching frogs, retreating to the tree house for an afternoon's reading. And, 
when I was grown, I thought I had to have such a place.  Perhaps a studio where 
I could write and paint and study, where friends and I could discover the 
bliss of silence and good wine on the deck at sunset. I also found it could be a 
place where I could go when the world become too much. when the argument grew 
too heated, when words were spoken too loudly and hurt too much.  It became not 
a place to dream of, to go and replenish friendship and love, to find 
togetherness. It became a place of escape.

I thought I was going to my place for the peace, for the pleasure of Nature. 
Rather, I was racing there to get away, to leave, to separate myself from 
those who troubled me too much. It got me away from a loved one just when we 
should have stopped and talked things through, resolved our problems, negotiated or 
found peace together. Therefore, in my faraway place, I healed, but the 
relationship did not. Troubles never were discussed, never resolved. We hid from 
each other, holed up in our separateness, grew further apart. It finally became 
the norm to live in our separate places.

A relationship withered and dissolved because we spent too much time apart, 
in reality and in heart. It was not great, but it could have been a lot better 
if we had stayed and faced our problems. Now, in another relationship, history 
is repeating. Only this time, it is the other who runs. There is a small home 
we kept for convenience, to rent out, to .. I don't know what. But, we kept 
it when we decided to live in one house rather than two. It was furnished and 
was comfortable for those nights when we were out too late to drive all the way 
home, a goodly distance on a dark and lonely road. But, then it became a 
place to go when our days grew too stressful, when we two immoveable minds grew 
thoughtless.

Now we are apart. There was a disaggreement, and it was too easy for one of 
us to grab a few things and leave. A place to hide .. a bad thing for a 
relationship.  My mother was so wise. When I was first married, she told me that if 
there was a serious disagreement, I could never come home. I had to stay and 
work it out.  I should have listened. I should have heeded and never had  a 
place used to hide.

Everyone needs respite now and then. Everyone needs a place where inner 
solitude can be found. The trouble comes when it is used to separate us from one we 
love because of an argument.  Cool off at the mall or having lunch with a 
friend. Then, go home, one home.

Sometimes, too late we learn.



NancyLee