TheBanyanTree: Making Plans

[Pam North]

I always carry an umbrella in my car.  I detest getting rained on and
feeling the cold drops run down my neck.  When it does rain, and I'm
carrying an umbrella, and I get into my car, I lay the umbrella down
on the floor, squished into the space between my seat and the door.
If I hold the umbrella perfect, the door shuts and the umbrella is out
of the way, and I'm not dripping water all over the car seats.

Well, we've had rain this week.  And I've been driving around for a
couple of days with my umbrella still lying in the same spot.  Except
when I left work yesterday, I didn't hold it perfect to shut the door,
and so the door didn't shut.  It slammed into the umbrella that was
blocking it, and made an ugly noise.

Frustrated, I grabbed the umbrella (which was now dry) and cursed it
and threw it over my head into the back seat.  Then I turned around to
shut the door for real.  Except it wouldn't shut.  I kept trying, and
it kept bouncing off the frame.

I got out and looked it over, and tried to find some other obstacle in
the way.  Nothing.  Hmmm…  It appeared that the door 'thought' it was
already shut even though it was still open.  The mechanism was closed
but not around the part of the doorframe it needed to be closed
around.  Annoying!  Okay, time for Plan A.  I'd just hold the door
shut and drive over to the service station on base and have them check
it out for me.

Bummer.  They had a big sign on the door:  "Closed for Renovations,
July 5th – August 1st".  I pulled right up in front of the door with
the sign on it and got out and read the sign very carefully, searching
for a clue or some fine print that told me they would still handle my
emergencies.  A gentleman inside was working the lock to come out, and
when he did I looked right at him and asked, "Ya'll are closed?!"

"'Till the first."  (Where's my sign?!?!?!?)

I needed to run out to Sonic's and get a bag of ice (we'd finished the
last one over the weekend and I gotta have my ice!), so I figured I'd
just drive and hold the door closed with my arm.  I knew Jerry would
be coming by, and I'd have him look at it and try to figure it out.
This would be Plan B.

So with the window wide open, I hung my arm out and held the door
'closed'.  When I got to Sonic's I pulled into the drive-thru and
ordered my ice, and then pulled up to wait, put the car in 'Park', and
got out.  I thought I'd just check out the mechanism on the passenger
side door and see what was different or the same, and try to figure
this problem out.

With lightening speed never before witnessed at Sonic's, the chick on
skates brought my bag of ice, and I dug out the money to pay her.

And promptly, using my mini-knife, clicked the mechanism on the
passenger door to match the mechanism on the driver's door!!!!  Are
you catching on to how incredibly DUMB that was?!?!?!  'Cause now I
had TWO doors that were locked OPEN!!!!!  That's right!  And while I
could drive home holding the driver's door shut, it was gonna be a
real challenge to hold the passenger door as well!  It was obvious
that I needed a Plan C!

What I needed was another body to sit next to me and hold that door
shut.  Because at this point I couldn't even try driving to another
service station!  It was all I could handle driving the ten feet to a
parking slot to get out of the way of the drive-thru!  As it was the
door swung wide when I turned in!

Okay.  I tried calling Jerry's, but nobody was home.  I tried Diane's
'cause I know she has a teenaged driver and lots of spare bodies.  No
luck.  Becky had gone to the beach.  So I sat wracking my brain trying
to figure out whom to call, while my bag of ice melted beside me.  I
got out of the car again and walked around and tried the knife jabbing
again trying to trip the lock.  Then the light bulb went off and I
thought hey!  Let's try the automatic door locks a few times!  Lock.
Unlock.  Again.  Nope.  Hmm..  Okay… how about the key!  So I locked
and unlocked the door with the key.  Still locked!  What if I just
lift up on the handle like I was trying to open the door to get in??
No.  That didn't work either.  I was feeling pretty proud of myself
trying to troubleshoot this mechanical problem that I knew nothing
about, but pride wasn't going to get me home!  It was time to move
onto Plan D!

I'd call the GMC dealership and ask their service department!  Surely
there was just some simple thing I needed to do to trip these doors
back to 'open'!  I opened the glove box and started rooting around for
some receipt that would have the local dealership's number on it.  No
such luck!  But I did find the number for the dealership where I
bought it, so I used my cell and called their service department.

And was told by the redneck who answered the phone that he 'might' be
able to help, but they didn't service GMC's – guess they just SELL
'em!!!  Well, he couldn't help.  He suggested that maybe I could just
drive it over and they could look at it.  Oh
forcryinoutloud!!!!!!!!!!!  I couldn't even drive out of the parking
lot, and this brainiac was suggesting I drive three hours!!!!

Plan E.  And I could have done this first, but it was going to involve
calling information on my cell, and that was going to cost me
SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS!!!  No, I have no idea what was going on in my
brain, stressing and watching ice melt, and holding out on spending
change to make a call!!  Anyway, I called info and got the phone
number to the local dealership.

"Good afternoon, thank you for calling Trent.  This is Megan, how can
I help you?"

"May I speak to someone in the service department please?"

"One moment please."  And I started listening to a song from the 60's,
and even found myself singing along!  Just before it ended, Megan's
voice came back on, "Are you holding for service?"

"Yes ma'am, I am."

"Hmm… let me try paging them again."  This time on hold, the song was
a little newer and I had time to listen to the whole thing.  What was
I gonna do?  Hang up?!  I was running out of alphabet!!!!

Megan again.  "Are you 'still' holding for service?!"  "Yes ma'am."
"I think they're really busy back there.  Let me try to page them
again."  Sure.  No problem.  I was already looking forward to the next
song!

A new voice.  "Service, this is James."

"Hi James!  I know you're busy but I really have a problem and I'm
stuck and I hope you help!"  And I proceeded to explain my mechanical
issues in the least mechanically challenged wording I could muster!  I
think I only said "metal-thingy" once!

And then James asked, "Do you have a pen with you?"  Well yes I did!
(Okay, actually my knife was in my hand so I figured I'd start with
that and he'd never know!)

I'd tried the door latch.  I tried pushing the metal thingy with the
knife.  What I hadn't tried was doing them both at the same time!!!!
And when I did, at James' instruction, the locks tripped back open and
I could shut the doors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"OH JAMES!!  YOU ROCK!!!"  I'm sure I was gushing my thanks to his
wonder, but I was so incredibly excited to have shut doors again!  I
could go home!  I could put my ice in the freezer!  I didn't need
another body!!!  And I didn't need anymore alphabet!!

Pam