TheBanyanTree: Taking Families

[Monique]

I've come to a decision apropos my relationship with the exceptional
Andrew. Don't get me wrong: he's a great guy, he's perfect for me in
every way (and I him, of course), and nothing shall stand in the way of
our being together forever. However, should he at any point decide to
leave me (which he won't, because how foolish would that be?), I shall
get custody of the family.
 
His family, I mean. I will allow liberal visitation rights since he is,
after all, rather close to them, and I am not a vindictive sort of
person. But vacations and holidays are mine first, and his only if I
decline first. In return, he does not have to ever see my family again.
Like I said, I am not vindictive.
 
(Seriously, I have a perfectly fine family. They're just not much fun.
Nor are they overly fond of me, which certainly helps when one is trying
to turn down social engagements with them as it relieves me of much
guilt.)
 
I was a bit concerned about meeting the family. After all, if anyone in
my family were to come home with a specimen like myself, they would not
be regarded favorably. My stepmother, though dead now, would look at me
with those beady little eyes and declare me unfit for her son. (She once
declared me unfit to be seen with my very own brother.) My brothers
would ascertain if I had money and, upon discovering I had none, they
would they turn the other way and never look at me again. My sister
would try, but since it didn't really concern her she wouldn't get
overly involved.
 
All of that is irrelevant since there is absolutely no chance that I'll
be introduced to my own family. The time to rectify that mistake has
long since passed and it can't be undone. The point is, as a person with
little to distinguish herself, I often forget that not everyone uses the
same measuring stick. Of course, I am a creative genius, but as an
undiscovered creative genius I find that it doesn't really hold much
weight. (The trick is to get oneself discovered, but so far sending out
resumes to the tabloids has met with little success, other than repeated
attempts to sign me up for subscriptions.) How could I possibly be good
enough for their son/brother? 
 
But guess what? They like me anyway. And I like them. I like the way
they go on adventures which can start off as uncontrolled chaos and
coalesce into . . . well, perhaps more chaos, but that's not really the
point. Even if they're "lost" on some remote Pacific Northwest island
looking for a restaurant that can comfortably deal with six of us, one
of whom is 7, they're still unconcerned, as all roads eventually lead to
a restaurant. Or one road anyway. (And in this particular case, it was
an excellent restaurant.) And it's a certainty that one road will be
located if we try enough of them. "Lost" is a relative term meaning
we're on our way somewhere. When we get there isn't as relevant as
whether or not we see pretty stuff along the way. 
 
There may be screaming from the back seat, kicking of seats, punching,
gouging, illegal wrestling holds, many questions asked but left
unanswered and hanging in the air, there may be confusion and
consternation and a wrong turn here or there, but they enjoy doing
things together. My goodness, these people actually like spending time
together! This is an alien concept to me, but I can adjust. In my
family, doing things as a family meant bringing along our own friends so
everyone would have someone to talk to that they liked, should the
vigorous attempts to get out of it altogether fail. Many times it was
the parents trying to get out of it, with varying degrees of success
depending on how motivated they were. I always had to be careful when
traveling with them as they would frequently forget that I WAS traveling
with them and would inadvertently leave me behind at rest stops, truck
stops, motels, third world countries, and once at a 7-11. (Our new
family togetherness policy is now: you don't bother me, I won't bother
you. Is this any way to run a family?)
 
I suspect the 7-11 incident was staged to look accidental. The car
barely slowed as I was pushed out the door by my cooperative brother and
quickly sped off, which I thought was a pretty good indicator that the
vacation was not going well. 
 
Anyway, we're not talking about my family here. We're talking about HIS
family. The one I get to keep. I'm making that a condition. If he has
any objections, he's welcome to have my family. If that still isn't
acceptable, it's quite all right, since we're going to always be
together anyway. (It seems the most rational, logical choice, after
all.) 
 
M1