TheBanyanTree: Fun For All *or* Den of Evil

[Laura]

I had a hectic Friday, what with the kids' homeschool group's school from 
9 - 12, then I had to get dinner prepared for us to eat by 1:00, then a 
Valentine's Day party at one of the local indoor playgrounds from 1:30 - 
3:30.  What a wild event that was!  Something like 187 kids - all of whom 
had to have valentine and treat bags!  Crazy as it was for the Moms, the 
kids all had a wonderful time.   

As I was getting undressed on Friday evening, I noticed that my one pair 
of jeans is starting to get a little thin on the inside of the thigh. 
Surprise, surprise, that's where my legs rub together.  Since this one 
poor pair of jeans has been my sole pair for over a year, it's hardly 
surprising that they are starting to show some wear.  Today I got them 
out to put on, and discovered that they are not just getting thin - there 
are actual holes in them!  It is only a matter of time before I squat 
down and hear the heart-wrenching sound of blue-jean suicide.  

I figured I might as well steel myself and hit the mall. Now normally, I 
would rather take a baseball bat to the head than go to the dreaded mall, 
but I'm desperate.  

Sure enough, on this icky, wet, cold day, everybody and their mothers 
were at the mall.  Fortunately, I knew which store I was gonna start 
with, and I plowed my way through.  They actually had the jeans that fit 
me, in my size, and in a color I could stand to wear!  They only had 2 
pair, but I figure in a couple weeks I'll go back over and check for 
more.  

Having sucessfully completed my mission in a record-setting half hour, I 
was feeling brave.  I wandered through the women's section, looking at 
"casual sportswear", and "career wear".  See, I've been summoned for jury 
duty, and I don't think they would appreciate me showing up in my holey 
jeans, stained baggy men's t-shirts, and sandals with paint on them.  
Why, I don't know, but it states specifically on the summons that we 
should dress "appropriately".  BAH.   

Anyway, I collected a couple dozen different styles and sizes, and hit 
the fitting room to try them all on.  Yeah, you've guessed it already - 
not a single one of them fit!  Not being a real clothes buyer, I have no 
idea what sizes to even pick out, so the pants were all too big, the 
skirt was nice but - *DAMN* - ya'll remember that joke about the girl 
whose butt was so big you could put your glass on it and she could walk 
away and not spill your drink?  Yeah - that's what it looked like.  I 
took that one off PDQ.  All the shirts fit fine except in the sleeves.  I 
don't really think sausage arm is all that attractive.  Maybe it's just 
me, 'cause they were all styled that way.  

That took over an hour.  As I walked back into the mall proper, I 
realized that the people who hadn't been at the mall when I got there, 
had all arrived.  I couldn't even navigate the main aisles.  <shudder>  I 
hate crowds, so I decided that maybe it was a good time to go home.  

To get out, I had to go past the shoe section in Sears.  Now, I dunno 
about your Sears, but ours has started carrying Lands' End stuff.  Right 
outta the catalogue!  Yesterday I got the latest Lands' End catalogue and 
fell in lust with a pair of water shoes in it.  Danged if they didn't 
have those very shoes there at Sears.  There was even a sales clerk 
standing right there who went and got the right size for me.  They even 
fit!!  (I'm sure that sometime this week something terrible will happen, 
to balance out the karma.  For me to get two pair of jeans and a pair of 
shoes on the same day, it's gonna be something *really* bad...)  

The parking lot was a jungle.  Raining, of course, and there were at 
least two stalled vehicles in the main traffic lanes.  After sitting at 
the stop sign for a few minutes, I realized that I could easily go all 
the way around the mall and go out the other side faster than waiting to 
turn left where I was.  So I did.  I even managed to do it without having 
a wreck, though there were several people who tried to get me to play 
demolition derby.   

With a stop at Kroger for dinner supplies, I ended up spending 3 1/2 
hours shopping.  

Oddly enough, now that I'm home, I find I have absolutely no desire to 
leave the house again for a few days.  

Wolfie
-- 
Laura
wolfljsh at insightbb.com
http://home.insightbb.com/~wolfljsh/index.html