TheBanyanTree: Exhausted

[Maria Gibson]

Ya know...?  If you've scheduled one crying appointment for the morning, 
it's probably best to put the other off for at least a day or two.  But 
me...?  Nope.  Glutton of much including punishment, it turns out.  
Scheduled two crying appointments not only for the same day but back to 
painful back.

Had to go to my doc and explain that, yes, the anxiety is better but, 
no, the depression is not, not so much, doc.  Of course I was at least 
prepared for this in that I didn't wear mascara knowing I'd have to be 
honest and not only answer questions but offer up new info to be taken 
into consideration.  Last time I was there, for something totally 
unrelated, he began the appointment by asking about my life, my 
marriage, my actions of late....blahblahblah and I had to jump up for 
tissue and sternly inform him that I hadn't come to cry that day and 
could we get on with the medical matter at hand, for crying out loud???  
Well, we did and then a day or two later I felt kind of bad about it and 
found a nice, simple appreciation card and wrote in it: "Going to the 
doctor and having to answer the really tough questions: 15$ copay.  
Knowing that when you get there you'll always be treated with the utmost 
kindness and respect: priceless."  He mentioned today how he really 
enjoyed getting it and I thanked him again for his willingness to attend 
to me and my crackhead ways and then he was concerned that I'm taking 
drugs and I had to back up (beepbeepbeep) and say, no, not really a 
crackhead, that was a euphemism and I don't gamble, either, before you 
ask.  Doctors can apparently be quite literal, God bless 'em.  I left 
with reddened eyes, a weary face and instructions to call in a couple of 
weeks.

But if I thought I was tired then, it was nothing compared to how I feel 
now after the appointment with the therapist.  Man, why does she have to 
bait me with proposals such as not going to a bar or having a drink for 
at least a month?  Why can't my once a week compromise be considered?  
And why, oh why, does she think me crying is working hard???  What is 
wrong with that woman?  Can't she see I'm tired?  Can't she see I'm 
weary of being asked certain questions I don't have answers for no 
matter how many different ways she finds to phrase them?  Why do I go 
and pay an 18$ copay to be tortured?  I'll be back next week doing it 
all over again and reporting back on my thinking over her proposal.  I 
told her it made me feel really belligerent to consider it and she said 
I ought to consider *that* and why that is as well.  There's no getting 
anything over on those folks, those mind benders.  Again, the leaving 
was with reddened eyes and an even wearier face.

Carla was waiting for me in the room where that is done and she put her 
arm around me as we left.  She knew I was weary.  We'd actually done 
quite a bit of talking and a little weeping before I even went to the 
doc so she knew the ins and outs of my day so far.  We talked about the 
people she is willing to run over with her car for me and that made me 
feel a lot better.  She's a special friend, this one.  'Cause if someone 
hurts you or your feelings, she's quite willing to get in her car and 
mow them down on your behalf.  And trust me, love like that is just what 
is needed when you've had not one but two crying appointments and back 
to painful back at that.

Thanks, Carla.  I'd run over folks for you, too.

Maria