TheBanyanTree: A letter to my love

[Monique]

Hi there. Yeah, it's me. Now, either you know who this is or we have some
things to talk about. Like, uhm, hey, it's ME! 

Anyway. There I am, there you are. And it's time we talked about some
things. Like: you can tell me anything. Say, for example, I ask you if my
new pants make my butt look big.

It is perfectly acceptable to say that they do.

As long as you're prepared to make it up to me in an appropriate fashion.

For example, suppose you have an urge to spend the weekend with an old
girlfriend . . . you can tell me. I'll make sure you don't go anywhere near
her. Ever. It's okay, really. You can tell me. 

Suppose you start thinking that I'm getting in the way . . . it's okay to
tell me that. It won't stop me from getting in the way, but it's okay to
tell me anyway. I'll just ignore it.

You do know, of course, that I expect you to break up with me at any time.
Based on this, we should have an advance warning system. When you know when
you want to break up with me, you let me know, and I'll tell you how much
advance notice I need. Say you want to break up with me so you're free for
Labor Day . . . tell me as soon as you figure this out, and I'll tell you
how much advance notice I'll need for that to happen. It'll probably be too
much to accommodate your timeline, but that can't be helped, it's just one
of those scheduling conflicts we have to learn to deal with.

If you're still wondering who this is, we need to talk.

What else, what else, what else . . . I know there's more. I'll send
follow-up communications as these things occur to me. Just sign off that
you've read and agreed to the terms stated herein and I'll keep a copy in
your permanent file. 

You didn't know there was going to be a permanent file? Ah well, you had to
find out eventually, didn't you?

Love,

Me