TheBanyanTree: Groundhog Day

[Sharon Mack]

I have been having the "Battle of the Groundhog(s)" going on at my house
for three summers.  First it was one fat little old lady (I really
didn't know if she was old or  a female at the time).  I dutifully
sprinkled all of my plants (her delectables) with Cayenne pepper and it
seemed to be keeping her eating at the weeds on the lawn until one day
it rained and I was away and couldn't refresh my sprinklings.  I came
home to all of my Zinnias, marigolds and black-eyed Susans eaten down to
the nub.  I was horrified and very angry at our fat little fiend (no
spelling error here).

Since it was near the end of the summer, I left well enough alone and
continued my pepper sprinkling on the remainder of my flowers (which
weren't many) to finish out the season.

Last summer was more of the same, only this time I added mothballs and
dog doo-doo to my regimen.  I hung moth cakes from the bushes, garnished
the yard with moth flakes and dumped mothballs and dog feces down the
holes.  She temporarily took her appetite elsewhere, but I had to keep
those mothballs, flakes, cakes and doo-doo fresh or that would be the
end of the flowers.  Once again, toward the end of summer, I took a
short trip to Maryland to see family.  While I was gone she kicked the
mothballs and dog feces out of her hole, avoided the hanging cakes and
ate the bulbs and roots under the ground.  I came home to wilted and
dead flowers and no bulbs came up this spring!! Now I was MAD!!!!  I
vowed next year to kill her.

Well, I have tried poisons in the holes, breaking down the holes (which
are only redug), and spraying repellants on the yard,  supposedly used
on golf courses to keep the critters at bay.  For a while I didn't see
her and I began to sigh in relief.  I'd done it, I'd killed (or
repelled) the critter. (I have NEVER felt glad about killing a critter
before).

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  Too soon did I sigh.  She has now reappeared
(and I say "she" with confidence) with four.....yes that's right,  FOUR
little exact images of herself!  I was horrified.  Now I'm taking the
dog out there ten times a night chasing them off.  So tonight means
WAR!

I am buying the mothball supplies....lots and lots of them, several
large bag of rocks, and a longer hose.  I am going to flush the last two
holes (at least I think they are the last two....on my property at
least) and then load each hole with mothballs and dump a LOAD of stones
to close them up.  Then when I am done I am staking the dogs out in the
yard until it is dark.  If I was good with a gun and didn't live in the
city limits, I'd shoot them, I swear.

Unfortunately, it is illegal to trap them and move them here in my
little city.  They tell me you can't take your pests and dump them on
someone else (which I would definitely be upset if someone did that to
me).  You can either kill them or put up with them (that's what they
told me, honestly!) or make them so miserable they move on their own.  I
guess I'm stuck with making them miserable.

Now I ask you....is all this worth a few flowers??  Maybe next year
I'll give it all up and plant day lilies all over.  They don't seem to
like those at all.

Any ideas anyone??  I'm fresh out!