TheBanyanTree: Stress

[Margaret R. Kramer]

It’s a chilly end of July morning.  The temp is 56 degrees.  No wind.  The
sun is shining.  I hear a blue jay’s call.  And a small dog’s bark.  My toes
are cold as all the windows are open.  I’m wearing a sweatshirt.  But the
cool morning will transform into a warm summer afternoon.

It’s a peaceful morning, but my guts are rolling inside.  I signed the
refinance papers on Monday afternoon.  The money should have been wired
yesterday to pay off our old mortgage company and our new mortgage will
begin in September.  Our debts will be paid.  We’re positioning ourselves
for a move to a smaller home in the spring.

I also got a call on Monday from the company that I had the short telephone
interview with last week.  They wanted to meet me and he set up an interview
for me on Tuesday.  That got my heart pumping!

I took the day off of work.  I filled out the applications they emailed me.
I studied interviewing 101.  I tried to learn things about the company.  I
bought a summer dress suit, a new leather purse, and professional looking
shoes.  I combed my hair and washed my face and went to the interview.

This company is 12 miles away from me versus the 32 miles I drive now.  It’s
a large company with 40,000 employees worldwide.  They seem to have a
strategy.  My current company just did a reorganization at the top – the
second one in less than six months.  My current company has no strategy; it
just reacts.

I interviewed with the head business analyst.  It went well, because I asked
good questions.  I also interviewed with the lead business analyst.  It
turned out she and I knew some of the same people.  We had a good talk.

After the interviews, I went to work out and tried to relax.  I was
beginning to get a sore throat.  I started taking zinc, which for me helps
ward off a cold.

The human resource guy around 3 pm and set me up for another interview on
Thursday with the head honcho at the office.  I was on cloud nine!

But the cold was getting worse.  My nose was running and I was beginning to
feel like crap.  I took another day off for the next interview.  I spent the
morning of the interview reading magazines.  I brushed my teeth.  I took
some drugs to dry up my nose so I wouldn’t be dripping snot on the manager’s
desk.  I wore the same suit, because I only have one summer suit.  And off I
went.

I interviewed with the project manager of the entire project.  I tried to
ask good questions, but my mind just wasn’t with him.  Then I interviewed
with the head of the office.  His goal was to see if I fit into their
culture.  He asked me about my three weaknesses – I could only name one.
You see, I’m perfect!  I could name my strengths, because I wrote them down.
I didn’t make as much eye contact as I should.  I was out of questions to
ask.  My salary needs were compatible.  He told me how they lost a couple of
key people after just 5-6 weeks of employment.  He was concerned that they
missed something in the interview process that might have predicted these
people would have left so soon – that’s why he did an emotional type
interview with me.  He wanted to be sure I wasn’t going to leave.  Heck, I’
ve been with the same company 15 years, I don’t move around much!

I’m not much of a talker anymore, and I was totally drained.  I have a
difficult time being “on” for long periods of time.  I wish I had my son’s
social energy.  He would have aced all four of these interviews.

The head honcho said I would hear something by Friday or by the latest
Wednesday.  He wanted to talk with the other three people I interviewed
with.  I felt good about the interviews when I left the office.

I wrote my thank you notes, which are tough for me to write, because I want
to be concise, cover topics in the interview, and to beg for the job at the
same time.  I have spell check on my email, and when I was ready to send the
head honcho’s thank you note, I hit “ignore” on a typo and off it went, with
this glaring error in it.  Oh, gosh, I wished I could have gotten it back.
You never know, a job offer could be denied because of a typo.

Meanwhile, I was getting sicker and sicker.  I couldn’t sleep on Thursday
night, I went over and over again what I did wrong in the interviews.  Plus,
snot was running out of my nose at a vicious clip.

I dragged myself to work on Friday.  I tried to will my phone to ring.  I
had to steal a coworker’s box of Kleenex.  I went out to lunch and ordered
soup.  My cell phone rang during lunch, and my heart jumped.  It was just
Susan and I had to beg off from watching the boys that night because I was
so sick.

My work phone remained silent.  I couldn’t do anything, my eyes were
closing, and so I left early, and I tried to stay awake during my long
commute.  When I got home, I let the dogs out, and then collapsed on our bed
and crashed.

So I wait and worry and fret.  I will be devastated if I don’t get this job.
This is the best offer I had since I started looking six years ago!  Will it
take me another six years to find something this good?  Did I blow the offer
on a typo?  Or lack of eye contact?  Or because I couldn’t name two more
weaknesses?

Well, if I don’t get this job, I’ll jump off a bridge.  Then I’ll climb out
of the water and just keep going to work, keep looking, and get working to
get our house ready to sell.  Maybe this job isn’t a good fit.  They seem to
work 12 hour days.  The head guys are really into titles.  Maybe I just don’
t fit in anywhere.  Maybe I should just work for myself.  Maybe I’m stuck
with the alcoholics the rest of my working life.

I hope, after going this far with interviews and such, that they at least
call me and let me know I didn’t get the job.  I hate silence.  I hate being
on edge.  I hate not having hope.

After a gazillion hours of sleep, I feel much better this morning.  My nose
stopped running.  I can think again.  I’m still ruminating, but not as bad.
The weekend is here.  We’re going to the Twins game tonight.  I’ll get back
into the gym on Sunday morning.  The heck with the job and worrying about
it.  I’ll pick up where I left off on Monday.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net

http://www.polarispublications.com
Be a star!

http://www.bpwmn.org
Business and Professional Women of Minnesota

To him in whom love dwells, the whole world is but one family.
~Buddha