TheBanyanTree: Hello Again

[NancyIee at aol.com]

I didn't expect you home this early.  I heard the gravel ping off tires and 
the crunch of heavy braking on the driveway, and I knew you had rushed home. 
(to be there when I came here?)

"Home."  It isn't my home anymore, but I still call it that out of decades of 
familiarity. I climbed 'my'stairs and packed the clutter in 'my' bedroom. The 
movers will come on Friday.  You said I could take whatever I wanted, as 
calmly as though the collected stuff from 'our' lives meant nothing.

You changed your clothes, had a snack (asking me if I wanted any, but without 
waiting for my reply) and went out to mow.  Nothing changes. You always came 
home and went out to mow, or work in your shop until dark. That was one of the 
problems.

I packed. You came in much later and made grilled cheese sandwiches. You 
offered, so we sat and ate together. Like old times. We talked about nothing deep. 
"Good sandwich."  "Thanks."  "Want another?"  "Sure."  "The weather is 
holding."  "We could use some rain."

Over seconds, our eyes met and conversation ceased.  What were you thinking? 
The same as I? Were you still angry? Still hurt? Still avoiding mention of any 
of it? Wondering what happened, where it went wrong?  

"More milk?" Your voice asked, but your eyes said something else.  "Yes," I 
replied, answering the eyes' question, but getting milk.

You rinsed the dishes and glasses and went back to your mowing. I continued 
packing. At nightfall, I sought you out to let you know I was leaving, but 
would be back in the morning to finish up.I found you near the pear trees, and we 
checked the growing fruit. Only you would be there to pick it.  "Nice crop 
this year."  "It looks that way, doesn't it?" You climbed back on the mower.

I had to turn away. I had no idea why the pear trees affected me so.  I 
walked back up the hill toward my car, blinking quickly. I would not show my 
feelings by wiping my eyes.  I turned in the dusk as you restarted the mower and 
took another turn around the pear trees. You wiped your face with the hem of your 
tee-shirt.

I might have stayed if you had asked.

NancyLee