TheBanyanTree: Just sharing.....

[Sharon Mack]

Just sharing.....

This is a poem to Sy Safransky the editor of The Sun Magazine.  I had
sent him the story I'd written about my reflections when my son, Philly,
had his heart attack and they turned me down with an absolutely lovely
(and it really was) form letter.

The next month he (Sy Safransky) spent 9 pages of the magazine sharing
his heartbreak over his daughter who was seriously injured in a car
accident (which as it turns out, was her fault).  I was a bit miffed
(not seriously...just slightly) and wrote this poem to him.  I sent it
to him this week.  

I don't expect any response.....after all he is the editor and owner of
the magazine, so he can do as he pleases....and his story was very
poignant and beautiful.  Better than mine, I suppose.  I admire his
writing and LOVE the magazine.


THIS IS NOT A REFLECTION ON YOUR CHOICES...

I've watched the old movies and the gray of them
I've gulped back sounds that might want to sound like crying and
moved the wetness from my cheek
Almost slapping it away but not quite wanting to hurt myself.

I read about Mara
I read about her tragic accident
I read that she may have even been the cause by not stopping as she
should
I read about the pure anguish of her father
And I knew him
Knew his pain
As he sat watching his child who'd grown away from him into her own
person

And then I read the letter of refusal
The nicest one I've ever read, I almost said thank you,
And I knew at that moment after reading the best of form letters I've
ever read
That I would not be able to share my anguish as Sy did his
They did not want it, they did not love it they said...it's the
selection process they said
It's a mystery; it's highly subjective they said
They did not want to read about Philip; they let it get away
Did not fall in love with the story of a twenty-five year old man
Who worked for his country in strange places
Cuba; Mexico; Caribbean Islands; the Gulf; the States
Who's heart gave out at twenty-five and though not dead
Was relieved of his life for fear he would die.
They did not want to read about the son who was my heart, who is my
heart
About my heart that died in that moment, too
As it fell in upon itself in fear and despair and the same utter
anguish as Sy's
As I questioned, will he live? Or will he live.....

He lost his present, he lost the only future he knew
He nearly lost his life and living, too
But he didn't cross an intersection at the wrong time.
He had a disease that no one knew about or even had a name for while a
small boy
It kept its secrets in his youthful body and pushed and shoved its way
into his heart
And into his valves....
While he lived and worked
While he grew into his manhood 
And then one day it exploded him....

While I sat talking long-distance to him on the phone!