TheBanyanTree: tarnation...

[Sachet]

Over the years, there have been several occasions arise as a mother that 
I would very much like to do over. I hate it that I have lost my temper 
over what were, in retrospect, trivial things. Some of that comes to 
mind now that it's hit home that I have one more year left before 
Chelsea goes off to college and only a few years past that before it's 
Zach's turn.

So I really try not to get upset over things that won't matter a few 
years from now. I don't quite understand why it's necessary for Chelsea 
to have 6 pairs of shoes at the front door when she has a bedroom, with 
a closet. Oh wait, you can't get into her closet to see where any shoes 
might go, much less put any there, so I guess it's a moot point. I can't 
quite comprehend why her futon is the mountainous resting place for 
every single item of clothing she owns, while her two dressers and 
entire closet are never used as intended. No exaggeration.

I've honestly worked on not lecturing as much. Although, I have pointed 
out that when we watch family video's and especially when it's the ones 
where I set the video up and left it running for hours to capture daily 
life when they were wee kidlets, never do they hear me yell or lecture. 
Because neither one of those things were necessary back then because 
they actually LISTENED to me then and didn't talk back and gee, is there 
some connection? And hmmmm...could they maybe, just maybe try doing 
their chores on their own without me nudging and maybe, just maybe, TRY 
not to mouth-off to me or explain why they are right and I am wrong and 
do I care or do I just want them to LISTEN to me and not try to tell 
*me* what to do, because *I* am the mom! 'Scuse me...lecture mode kicks 
in ever so easily.

Where was I?......oh yeah...so I'm trying to be more patient.....because 
they still need parameters and they don't always appreciate that fact. 
The bickering though.....just like that commercial on TV where the 
little brother holds his finger mere centimeters from his sister's face, 
arm, back, or leg...and keeps chanting..."I'm not touching you, I'm not 
touching you." That kind of annoying-as-hell, asinine, pointless, 
aggravating, childish, maddening, foolish picking at each other and 
arguing makes me nuts. I know that someday they will outgrow it and I 
know that they will miss each other when one of them leaves home. And I 
know it will take years for that phenomenon to happen. But, I live with 
the reality of just how annoying it is now. So they get grounded, 
privileges removed, chores added on...whatever suits me when they push 
me too far.


Part of the time I am able to remain calm and keep the fleeting time 
thing in perspective. But, the other part of the time I am caught in the 
midst of the reality of living with teens. I keep hoping that I won't 
have too many regrets for the way I am parenting them now. That's a 
challenge to keep in mind some days. I have some specific serious 
regrets over some things I have said or done over the past year when 
I've lost my temper. I never accepted the mentality that the teen years 
have to be pure hell. I always felt that was a defeatist attitude and 
insulting to the teen because it was setting them up for failure before 
they were even given a chance.
After living with two teens for the past few years, I do have an 
understanding why some parents might feel that way though, after a 
certain point. Raising teens is an exhausting and challenging adventure. 
Oh sure, there have been family crises that have been draining and 
tumultuous. But this raising teens thing goes on for what feels like 
forever and it's sometimes hard to feel like a good or successful parent 
in the midst of it all.

One day last week though I had a glimmer of hope that I may actually 
like myself by the time they leave home. That's been worrying me a lot.

I figure I have my priorities in order and am an ok mom when my 17 year 
old daughter drives my new car...my first ever new car....the silver one 
with the tinted windows, spoiler on the back and awesome stereo 
system.....right smack dab through fresh tar, and not once did I yell or 
berate or make her feel stupid or ask her what she was thinking.
.
Brand-new ooey sticky hot black tar so fresh that it splattered 
allllllllllllllllllllllll over my shiny silver paint, wheel covers, 
windows and just about anywhere and everywhere tar can splatter, so that 
when you get in and out of the car to go to a doctor's appointment you 
get lovely oily black tar all over your legs and any clothes that happen 
to unfortunately brush against said tar covered car. Because you are in 
such a hurry to get to the appointment you don't have time to do 
anything about the tar. And your 17 year old daughter is honestly and 
truly befuddled as to how it happened because all she did was leave work 
and drive down the only road available to get in and out of the employee 
parking lot, and she has never seen tar being applied to a road before a 
new layer of asphalt is applied, and there were no warning signs or 
orange cones and 3 other cars were also stuck driving on it in order to 
leave work, so she thought it was ok for her to drive on it too. I never 
ever thought to explain about fresh tar. Just never ever occurred to me.

She was so upset....on the brink of tears.....frantically 
apologizing...offering to pay to have the car detailed and/or repainted. 
All I could see was the look in her eyes, how stupid she felt...how 
awful she felt over the whole thing. There was just no way I was going 
to add to that over a stupid car. I have one more year at home with this 
incredibly loving daughter of mine, and I think of that when we talk and 
pray at bedtime as we've always done. Less than 365 days before we are 
getting her ready to go off to college and I don't want to clutter those 
days up with anger over things that won't matter in the overall scheme 
of things. I'm still building a foundation that she can stand on and 
know, with no hesitation, that I will love her unconditionally.

Even when she drives my shiny new car through fresh tar.

The two white etched-style butterfly decals on the back window? Somehow 
the tar missed them.

Life is good. <g>


...Sachet

Oh, btw.....WD-40 works wonders on removing tar from a car. That and 
lots and lots, and lots and LOTS of elbow grease, several rags that you 
never plan on using again, an annoying little brother who actually 
discovers the alien concept of compassion and a dad with strong arms who 
takes pity on his 17 year old daughter. My car has never looked so good.

8-)