TheBanyanTree: Another update from remodeling hell

[Jena Norton]

There's a video that comes with the flooring, that shows you what you have to do and how to do it. The Donny and Marie of how-to videos exuberantly demonstrated how easy it is and how happy you'll be with the results. My neighbor and partner in this endeavor, Char, and I watched the video with smiles. Piece of cake, we agreed.

Like with anything else, there's the preparation. First, we had to pull up carpet and padding, then remove the tack strips. For any of you not familiar with tack strips, they're these wooden strips with tiny spikes in them that hold your carpet down. They're nailed into subflooring or, in my case, the concrete slab. The trick is to pull them up with a pry bar and get the concrete nails out without doing too much damage to the slab. Also, you're not supposed to step on them with bare feet in the dark.

When you pull up the carpet, be prepared for the ugly side of your life to be exposed. Everything that has ever been spilled on that carpet will be memorialized on the backing. There were some fascinating stains that I know I wasn't responsible for! Makes me wonder about the previous owners!

Pulling up carpet and padding presents the dilemma of how to dispose of it. Since I cut it and pulled it up in sections, I decided on gradual method. Each week, I'll put some carpet and padding in my trash can and any neighbor's with room. Then I'll pile full garbage bags on top, in case the garbage people frown on carpet disposal with household trash. So far, this has worked. I did a trial run using my can only and they took it.

The carpet and padding are up. The tack strips have been pried up and hopefully all the nails are out of the concrete, but don't bet on it. Next comes preparing the slab. This means scraping off any glue, tape, or whatever this icky yellow stuff was.

Scraping requires a very deadly tool, an industrial size scraper. For the unitiated, it resembles a large putty knife with a sharpened end on a 3 foot handle. You attack whatever is on the slab with this. As you scrape, you sweep. You also curse a lot because some of the stuff just doesn't want to release its hold on the concrete. 

I learned a very valuable lesson prior to the scraping. When I pulled up the carpet, I found lots of ants comfortably ensconced between the baseboards and the tack strips. This meant I needed to caulk. I did, but since I'm a lousy caulker, the scraper got lots of the caulking up, too. Either I need to learn to caulk better, or I should caulk at another stage of the preparation.

The slab has to be clean. This includes sweeping it, vacuuming it, then mopping it. And even after all this, there were still bits and pieces of debris that defied our cleaning methods.

After cleaning the slab, you have to repair and level. Fortunately, a friend wise and learned in the ways of remodeling told me about this stuff called Fix It All. Remember that name. It really does. And I shall be forever in his debt for saving us from tedious repairs and grinding down high spots. And there was a lesson in the Fix It All step, too. Don't mix it as thick as they say. Instead, make it runny and pour it out, then smooth with your trowel. Of course, we were almost through when we found out this easier way to do it. We'd been mixing a little, crawling around and smoothing, then mixing a little more. The stuff sets up quickly so we didn't want to wind up with slabs of it all over the place.

After all this, with trepidation we checked to see if the floor was level. Hallelujah!!! It was. Silly us. We took this as an omen that our days of turmoil and strife were over. After all, Donny and Marie had assured us that all we had to do was lay the planks down and snap them in place.

Donny and Marie lied.

Nothing was as easy as Donny and Marie did it on the video. After reviewing the DIY video several times after numerous attempts to get the first couple of rows snapped together, we figured out that they probably had a zillion outtakes and we saw only the ones where it worked like a charm. Also, they probably had a burly cameraman who helped out between takes.

Foolishly, we figured to have half the room done on Saturday. Well; at least we now have the hang of how to lay the planks and snap them in place. We also know how to use a miter saw, measure accurately, and curse like sailors.

But today is another day. We have hopes that, with Char's husband Ken standing in for the burly cameraman, we'll make progress.

Jena, Full Moon Warrior Princess