TheBanyanTree: The Schizophrenia Diaries Apr 4 V2

[Monique]

It's night now, I've been to work and back, Stew fed me dinner when I was
too tired to do anything other than lay on the couch. He's walked the dog,
he's made sure I have what I need. This is what he does.

And I am tired, but I am not disheartened. Renewed faith and hope live
within me, regenerating as a matter of course, though I cannot say why, or
how. And it isn't necessary to know why or how. I've always been concerned
with knowing why, it's been an annoyance, because sometimes there is no why,
there just is, and sometimes the why is not something we want to know . . .
but I stray from my subject again.

He ate carefully today, or somewhat carefully, and has not been sick. I hope
it keeps up. 

He has been sad, depressed, felt like a loser, and I tell him it isn't so,
that we all have different needs, different ways, differences, it doesn't
make anyone better or worse. The real losers are those who can't see this.

Tomorrow we do it again . . . we do more than try, we do, and in doing, we
hope to do it better. Sometimes I tell him that the importance lies not in
the doing of something but in the act of trying, and I believe this. If he
is unable to do some things he has not failed, even if he has not done what
he had planned, or hoped. It is keeping the expectation of hope and of doing
better that is the success. What is an accomplishment, after all, than
overcoming the odds? Each day that he can think positively, despite his down
times, and each time he can believe me, and each time he can contemplate
overcoming, he has accomplished something. He has achieved. 


Monique