TheBanyanTree: Watch Me

[SpiritRose]

 There I was 39 years old and about to start college again. After being seriously ill for two years and finally feeling better I needed something to do. Since I wasn't quite well enough to go back to work I looked into the possibility of taking  classes at our local community college. With the help of pell grants and other aid a college education was suddenly available. My husband seemed to support me  but if truth be told he never really thought I was intelligent enough to make it, let alone follow through to the end. His words were often hollow and insincere and while I couldn't put my finger on just what wasn't right I  always shrugged it off as stuff he was going through at his work and continued to enjoy my new found passion....education. 

I discovered something taking classes at my small community college. I WAS intelligent and it felt so good to finally know that. Unfortunately as I was growing intellectually, and physically stronger my husband and I were growing more and more apart. Finally, one day, he asked for a divorce. This came as a total shock to me. I never thought that would happen. We had been married for 21 years. He was my first and only love. I had married him when I was 18. 

 He said some very hurtful things to me, such as he didn't think I would ever finish my goals.  I was not smart enough, or that anyone would even want to date me forget about finding anyone else to love me...as if I was not worth loving. All kinds of hurtful things.  Well, his words just pissed me off.  I snapped my head up, looked him in the eyes, my eyes were by this time a cold steel blue. I smiled, a real cheshire cat like smile, and said very quietly "watch me!"  Then I turned around and walked away.

 I must admit that for a time I was down and depressed. I didn't know what to do. I ended up taking a semester off from school because I just could not concentrate and didn't want to flunk out.  Somewhere in the midst of my sadness I remember laying across my bed crying, praying, and crying some more when suddenly  a sense of peace filled my entire being.  I heard a voice inside my head say that things were going to be alright.  I was going to finish my education at the college and get the degree I had been working so dilligently for. Then I was going to go on and get a BA and then a Masters. And later on if I so chose to A PhD. I wasn't to worry about never finding love again because love would find me.  I was to stop crying, pick my self up and go on because I was going to make it only this tine I would do it on my own. I would show my husband that I didn't need him. I was capable of making it on my own. That it wasn't me who was the one in need. 

Well, that was  9 years ago. I'm now divorced and on my own I recieve no financial help from my ex, never have even tho he had promised and was court ordered. Somehow I manage to make it.  I did graduate from my wonderful community college with honors and an AA degree. I went on to  recieve a BA degree in Psychology and then went on to recieve a Masters in Social Work.  One of these days I will look into a Doctoral Program but right now I am enjoying spending time with a wondeful man who just happened to pop into my life when I least expected it. I can honestly say that for the first time in my life I am totally and completely in love and it feels great!  

So for those of you out there, if anyone tells you you can't do something for whatever reason...look them in the eye, smile, turn and as you are walking away look back and say " WATCH ME!"

May your days and nights be filled with joy and laughter

              <>>>>>>>>>>---------B

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
~~Helen Keller~~ 

"You gain strength, courage & confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself; I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along...You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
~~Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)
    You learn by Living (1960)
Visit, The Realm of SpiritRose at
http://www.geocities.com/spiritrose42.geo


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