TheBanyanTree: Deserted! 23-10-03

[Woofie]

Howdy Woof's Victims,

  Yup..I spects youse has all gort out of control, seein as I has not
  been maintaining youse as mindless veggies by the careful
  application of woof posts..well..snap to, the lot of youse..I is
  here fer a parade inspection! Anyone wot shows a glimmer of synaptic
  activity is gonna be put orn KP..and..oh yeah...the real unlucky
  ones gits ter clean the Woofden, wot despritly needs it!

  The Woofess is only half the filly she used ter be...that's cuz the
  last of her toy boys at work has deserted her:( Yup..all of em
  driven away..not by her incessant and unnatchurl demands, but by our
  elders and betters  whose main hobby is ter make the lives of their
  slaves unendurable. I spects they spends their time in this
  enterprise because they either ain't gort no real work ter do, or
  they is incapable of doin their own jobs.

  I is sure the financial rewards our elders and betters receive when
  they decimate or drive away more and more staff, has absolutely
  nothing to do with their actions *cough*;)

  So..all me toy boys has been driven away - Pony, Big Ben, DM (AKA
  Dream Machine, cuz he is the lucky owner of a hot, red beast wot has
  a V8 pursuit engine in it) and now Stormy:( Wot's a filly meant ter
  do now, I ask youse? What's the point of attending the work
  sundowners iffen there is no toyboys ter have fun wid?

  Take the last sundowner, fer example...

  There was Stormy, DM and me sittin inna gutter of the carpark,
  swiggin an exceptionally good red out of a bottle and passin it
  around. Stormy and me was waitin fer me tame cab driver, cuz I woan
  let Stormy drive iffen he has hadda gutful (and he had hadda gutful
  in more ways than one) and DM was waitin fer his missus ter come and
  pick him up in the hot red pursuit beast. We had been waitin quite a
  while and Stormy obviously could not bear the inactivity (he had
  been working out fer weeks and gittin hisself into supreme fighting
  condition). Anyways, next thing we knows is that Stormy was hangin
  upside down from a large parking sign...now..he weren't hangin
  upside down inna normal way...but had his shoulders pushed up level
  wid his paws wot was holdin his weight and he had flipped his legs
  over soze that they was downwards. This, folks, is a physical
  impossibility fer 99% of the population, who is not so fizzically
  fit!! I tell youse..it was a Kodak moment, ceptin I didn't have me
  camera wid me:(((

  Just about then, DM's missus roars up inna beast. She seez me, hands
  me the keys and gits out. I gits in and roars round the carpark,
  doin a few tight turns...but I didn't leave no rubber onna road,
  OK?! All I left onna road was a slightly squished Stormy, who had
  seen fit ter leap down orf the sign and stand in front of the beast
  and use his considerable fizzical strength ter try and prevent me
  drivin forward. It didn't work..he landed up onna bonnet (hood) and
  I jes kept driving:)

        [This lil event had repercussions a week later when DM comes up ter
        me laughin his head orf: "You ain't gonna believe this," he sez,
        "but there is a rumour goin around the office that a credible
        witness saw me give Stormy the keys ter me car in the carpark after
        the sundowner and that he [Stormy] was witnessed doing broggies
        (burnouts) inna carpark and layin rubber everywhere!!" In this,
        folks, lies a important fact...you see, folks thinks Stormy is wild
        and dangerous and thus they expect it to be him when anything crazy
        is going down...they just could not believe a gennel, elderly ole
        woofess ter do summat like that..so they jes mis see things ter fit
        their prejudices:(( In reality, Stormy is a real soft sweetie and
        very unfairly maligned at work by wimpy wowswers, who cannot cope
        with anyone slightly different to their boring, humdrum,
        conventional lil selfs!]
  
  Eventually me tame cabbie arrived and poured both of us into his
  cab (he is very experienced at this now!) and managed ter comprehend
  Stormy's instructions as to his address. After decanting Stormy me
  cabbie gits a message saying that the cab driver wot was sposed ter
  be picking up train drivers from the marshalling yards couldn't do
  the job. Me cabbie was cursing cuz he couldn't git no one else ter
  do the job:

  "Why doan yer go pick up them fellas and take em ter their motel and
  then drive me home afterwards? I will explain ter them fellas why I
  is inna cab." I suggests.

  Against his better judgement, he agreed and we drove out ter the
  marshalling yards wid me cradling the bottle of fine red between me
  knees. We got there early ( the train drivers drive from Perth ter
  Cook ( tiny settlement in South Australia) and back again, on their
  regular runs and they stay in Perth atta motel between jobs.  I gits
  out of the cab, still holding the bottle and I is hoppin around cuz
  I is bustin fer a pee and not a dunny or tree in sight. Thankfully,
  before being driven ter an act of complete desperation, the drivers
  arrived.

  To explain me presence to them, still swingin a bottle of vino, I
  sez:

  "It's OK, fellas, I is jes Steve's (me cab driver) bit on the
  side."

  Need I say that this bit of intelligence has now been spread to
  every railway worker in Western Australia (and prolly South
  Australia as well) and that me cabbie is now the
  brunt of a lot of jokes about his reputation?

  My cabbie sez he is gonna git his revenge when I is least expecting
  it!!

  There was one other highlight of that last sundowner....I had gorn
  downstairs wid one of the other fillies at work (one wid a bit of
  life in her) and we was chattin inna building foyer when this vision
  of glittering gold and white wandered up to the doors of the
  building. And what a vision! He was gorgeous, folks..about 6'6" with
  dark curly hair and a body ter die fer! We asked him wot he wanted.
  He hadda letter that he hadda deliver urgently ter one of the
  bigwigs inna building, but being after hours the doors was locked. I
  sez we will let him in and he can leave the letter at reception ter
  be delivered on monday.

  "But," he sez, "You just can't let me in..I could be anyone!"
  "But you is in uniform," I sez, "So that is OK."
  "But I could be jes pretending, all dressed up like this!" he sez.
  "Nah....I knows that uniform, " I explains [It was a naval officer's
  one.]

  We lets him in and he finds he can't leave the letter at reception,
  cuz there is a notice there saying that reception staff will not
  deliver letters left there. I sez ter him:

  "I will deliver the letter fer you personally on monday...but it
  will cost you!"

  It did cost him...but it was worth it, folks..me and me friend gort
  a big hug and a kiss each from him..oooh...he was yummy!!:))

  This event was an exception though..you jes can't conjure up luscious
  naval officers orn tap...sundowners jes ain't gonna be the
  same no more:(

  THEY ARE GONNA BE BORING, BORING, BORING ---BAH!!!
  



-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie                          mailto:woofie at woofess.com


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"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
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Website: http://www.woofess.com
Photos: http://public.fotki.com/woofie/