TheBanyanTree: Most Embarrasing Moments

[John Neilson]

Last year someone challenged The Tree Dwellers for the worst poem. I'm
challenging for your most embarrasing moment. There is a prize. World Class
Recognition By Your Peers.
                              ...........................................
A couple of years ago I decided to erect a tractor barn. Picture attached.
I could provide most of the lumber from our forest, so I calculated it would
not be very expensive, and I could garage my tractor and my pick-up without
having to use my shop.
Mike built my shop and did a very good job. I got on the horn, "Mike I want
to build............" He came over and we went over the details. We decided
on metal roof and siding. He estimated the cost to be $700 to $800 for the
metal.
I drove in to Spokane and went to the roofing company we used for the shop
metal.  I gave the young lady my order as per Mike's calculations. She
promised the package would be ready in a couple of days. I thanked her
profusely and left.
In the meanwhile Mike and I did the woodwork.
Come Monday I trotted into Spokane for the metal. I went into the office
about 7:30 a.m. It was full of busy contractors placing and picking up their
orders.  Here was I just a li'l old man wanting a few bits of tin. My turn
at the desk. Here stood this young lady with a wonderful set of boobs, a
cleavage to die for,  and jet black hair down to her ass. After stumbling
over my words I managed to raise my eyes to look at hers. I stammered out my
name and gave her my order number while resisting the temptation to ask her
to marry me. A few moments later she returned with my invoice which looked
like Chinese with code words and numbers. I didn't know what any of it
meant.  I looked at the bottom line and 'bout s..t. The bill was $3,200 and
change. Here I was  facing Miss World, and surrounded by all these busy men
who knew what they were doing and waiting for the old man to get out of
their way so they could get on with their day. I didn't say a word. I just
pulled out my check book and made out the check, knowing that immediately
upon arriving home I would have to call the bank and transfer some dollar
bills quick!
Worried sick, and not a little pissed, I went to the yard where they loaded
my metal.
Upon arriving home I went to see Mike who was now up on the roof. "Hey Mike,
you said this metal would cost........................yatter yatter." He
climbed down the ladder and said, "That's not right, show me the invoice." I
dutifully handed it to him. He perused the contents and said, "Since when
have you been A to Z Construction Company? You have paid to reroof an
aircraft hanger in Podunk, Washington!" He then burst out  laughing.
I was both relieved and embarrased, but it was too late to return to Spokane
to sort out the matter.
The following morning I was up before the birds and drove into Spokane once
more. You've got it........ an office full of contractors! The lady with the
monstrous breasts and glorious cleavage was not there, so I asked for the
manager. I explained my predicament. He said, "OK, no problem. I will write
you a check for the difference, $2,470." I could see him in the back office
and hear the laughter!
A few minutes later he emerged with my check and promptly told the whole
damned office full of contractors what I had done. "Anybody here who does
not want to pay their bill see Mr Neilson, he loves paying other people's
invoices!" The place was in an uproar at my expense! OK, those poor suckers
needed a laugh. They were working stiffs while I am retired and embarrased
in the extreme.

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Now it's your turn!
John