TheBanyanTree: Chipping Away

[Maria Gibson]

I asked this mom, I mean I had only _just_ found out that her daughter
had tried to commit suicide, I asked her what I could do for her.  Amid
squeezing hugs and rubbing of the back I wondered what she might need
that I  would have the capacity to do or give.

I really need my house cleaned, she said, and I said heavens I can do
that, I can certainly do that.  She already had a friend lined up to go
and help her clean her daughter's room and bathroom before she can come
home.  Almost childproofing, this cleaning, gotta get all the bad and
dangerous stuff out.  No cabinet locks, not that kind but the no Tylenol
PM left lying around kind.  The teen's version of childproof when you
fear your child might try to harm herself.

I spent three hours in her kitchen and she may believe it helped her
immensly and I believe it did, too.  It did more for me, though, than
for her.  I feel I went with a servant heart but I still came away with
something.  I needed that once, I needed to be hugged and ask for
something but I couldn't even tell anyone why I was so desperately sad.
At probably the most crucial point in my life when I needed a friend I
was precluded from reaching out.  As a woman, it was crucial all the way
around.

I''ll tell you this, now, though.  I could have used someone to clean my
house.  She said to me you must think I'm crazy that that is what I need
and I said no, it's not crazy.  Because I know that when life is so
chaotic and torn on the inside that outside chaos and mayhem just
exacerbate it.  The trash in your livingroom mimics the trash in your
heart and mind and suddenly it's all but impossible to sort the two
out.  Coherent thought that may have fought its way in has no chance
among dirty dishes and spilled cat food.  I don't think I was supposed
to, but I came away with more than I had arrived with.  I was helping
the me that was in need back in the day, the one who had no choice but
to make a brave face and not share.

I'm grateful to my firend that when I asked what I could do for her, she
gave me something to do.

Maria