TheBanyanTree: Honey and the Three Bears

[Monique Young]

HONEY AND THE THREE BEARS
(with apologies to Goldilocks)


Once upon a time, there was a little dog named Honey. She wasn't very
little, not in relation to other dogs, and especially to cats, but she was
little in relation to bears. One day she went for a walk in the forest,
hoping to find something to eat along the way. Honey's choice of food while
on walks was limited only by her imagination and what other hikers had left
behind, so it didn't seem as if there would be a problem.

Unfortunately, due to calamitous world events that had kept hikers off the
trail, there was little in the way of human leavings for Honey, and she
began to despair of having a mid-afternoon snack at all. She wasn't sure if
she could survive until suppertime, which came on schedule an hour prior to
dinner, especially as her mid-day meal had been prior to her walk. She could
feel her stomach begin to growl, a low sound that caused her to quicken her
step.

It was about then, more or less, when she came upon a house in the forest.
It was small house, yet imposing in its facade. She examined the front door
carefully, wondering how to get inside, for she had no hands, only paws. And
then she noticed the doggie door in the middle of the door, just tall enough
for a dog the size of Honey to move through. She stuck her nose through
first, since she wasn't in the habit of backing through doorways, and when
she did, she smelled the most wondrous smell. Unable to resist, she walked
through the doggie door and into the house.

Honey wandered through the luxuriously appointed rooms, sniffing and
smelling the interesting sights but wondering where that delicious smell was
coming from. At last she came to the kitchen, a smallish room at the back of
the house, and on the kitchen table were three bowls of porridge. Honey had
never had porridge before, but it was something she had been meaning to try
for quite some time. She stood on a chair to taste the porridge in the first
bowl, first sniffing it carefully. The bowl was quite large, and on the side
it said, "Bir E. Bear." Honey didn't know who Bir E. Bear was, nor did she
care, and she carefully licked the top of the porridge to see if it was
satisfactory.

"Yelp!" she barked, the porridge being too hot for her delicate palate.

She sidled, as much as a dog can sidle, over to the next bowl and tasted
that. This bowl wasn't as large, and on the side it said, "Biff E. Bear."
Her mouth crinkled, the porridge was too cold, and Honey began to feel
disappointment seep into her like water into her coat when she walked in the
rain.

There was one bowl left, however, a medium large bowl with the name "Ben E.
Bear" on the side of it, and Honey approached cautiously, uncertain if she
should try the porridge. But her doggie nature won out, and she licked it
only to discover it was exactly right! She slurped up all the porridge, and
by the time she was done the porridge that had been too hot was just right,
and so she ate that too. By that time, she didn't care about porridge that
was too cold, and she ate all the cold porridge also.

All this eating, while barely sating Honey's hunger, made her feel a trifle
bit drowsy, so she wandered into the attached family room with the big
screen television and looked for a comfortable place to rest.

The first chair, the one with the name "Bir E. Bear" emblazoned across the
back of it, seemed right. It was large and comfy, with plenty of pillows,
but when Honey climbed into it she realized she could not see the television
unless she kept her head up, and not resting comfortably on her front paws
like she liked.

So she moved to the next chair, a stunning Biedermeier with swoopy arms, and
turned around and around in the seat trying to make herself comfortable.
After adjusting herself and turning the television to TNT, which was showing
Law and Order for the tenth time that day, she realized she was right next
to the deluxe stereophonic speakers, which were too loud for her delicate
ears, and so she moved to the last chair.

The last chair was a little smaller than the smallest chair and a not as big
as the medium chair, but the view from the seat, when Honey had her head on
her paws as comfort dictated, was perfect. She was about to drift off into a
relaxed viewing stupor when Law and Order ended and Night of the Living Dead
began.

With a shriek that sounded more like, "Woof, woof!" and less like a shriek
(but Honey IS a dog after all), Honey leapt from the chair and bounded up
the stairs in search of a comfortable place to rest.

There was but one bedroom upstairs, a large room with three beds, each with
a name on the headboard in flowing Gallic script. The first said, "Bir E.
Bear," the second, "Biff E. Bear," and the third, "Ben E. Bear." It was then
that Honey realized that three bears lived in the house. She had thought the
names downstairs were just a fluke. Honey was not afraid of bears, or of
anything that lived, so the names did not concern her.

She tried the first bed, the Bir E. Bear bed, but found it full of Ritz
crackers and Oreo cookie crumbs.

Honey tried the second bed, the Ben E. Bear bed, but found polar bear fur
everywhere, and it made her sneeze.

The last bed, the Biff E. Bear bed, was just right though, and so Honey
settled in comfortably for what she imagined would be a long winter nap.

About half past five the bears returned home. They'd been at a soccer game
and were still quite rambunctious. They came into the house pushing and
shoving each other, engaging in the sort of playful bear fun that can
quickly turn to frightening bear attacks. When they walked into the kitchen,
Biff E. Bear playfully shoving Ben E. Bear in front of him, the three of
them froze.

"Someone ate my porridge," Bir Bear shrieked, his high voice indicating how
truly upset he was.

"Someone ate my porridge, Bir Friend, I'm sure it's nothing personal," said
the ever helpful Biff Bear.

"Guys, someone ate my porridge too," growled Ben E. Bear, the portly polar
bear.

"Someone's gonna pay for this," growled Bir Bear. He was the smallest of the
three, but what he lacked in stature he made up for in ego.

"Bir Friend! Come look in the family room," called Biff Bear. "Someone sat
in my chair, I can tell they did, there's gold fur in it and everyone knows
I'm a brown bear!"

"Bir Sir," said Ben Bear, "I regret to report that someone has been sitting
in my chair also." Ben Bear had a look on his face that bespoke of disgust.

"Someone's gonna pay for this," growled Bir Bear, "sitting in my chair!"

"Bir Friend, let's look upstairs," said Biff Bear, and the three of them
ambled up the stairs, as bears are wont to do.

"Look what I found in my bed, Sir, evidence of a break in!" exclaimed Ben
Bear.

"Yeah, there was someone in my bed too," said Bir Bear, "and someone's gonna
pay!"

"Oh, Bir Friend? Ben Bear? Look . . . there's someone sleeping in my bed!"

With that, Honey lifted her sleepy, heavy lidded eyes and looked at the
three bears askance. "Woof, woof," she exclaimed, but the woofs were faint,
for Honey had been in the midst of a deep dream involving rabbits and
chasing of. She quickly fell back asleep in the bed of Biff Bear, a slight
snore escaping from her.

"Bir Friend, she is kinda cute."

"Sir? It's not as if she's a human, sir."

Bir Bear looked at the dog curled up in Biff's bed, and felt his hard heart,
the one that everyone joked about because Bir Bear is cruel and
self-centered, soften. Not much, just a bit, just enough for him to forget
that someone was supposed to pay. Bir looked at Biff and Ben, his two right
hand bears (and both right handed, as well), and said, "Well, I suppose she
can say . . . it's not as if she's human, after all."

And that's how Honey came to live with the Three Bears.


Mo-Neek