TheBanyanTree: Blood Moon 2003

[Dale M. Parish]

Blood Moon

Well, it's finally over with.  Or, at least, this stage of the
probate that's been gnawing at me much more than I realized until
now.  My brothers and I will loose the ranch Daddy wanted to pass on
to his grandchildren, but his aversion to paying taxes forced it out
of our hands and into my stepmother's trust.  She didn't blink once
after she realized that we wouldn't get it-- she'd talked it up so
much about how the ranch was him, and he wanted to keep it intact,
but once she accepted that it wouldn't, couldn't go to we boys, she
said sell it.  She wants the cash. 

It's made me realize how difficult it is for some people to talk to
their family about their death and their wishes about death.  In
discussing wills and probate at work, it's really surprised me how
many of my coworkers can't bring themselves to talk even to their
spouses about what they want.  I believe that a large part of the
reason is that they don't know what they want and don't want to face
their own mortality.  At least it seems that way to me.

I've decided that as soon as Joe gets back from Iraq-- probably
after October, we hear-- that my boys and I are going camping up the
country and we're going to discuss-- make that I'm going to discuss
with them what my will states, and what they're not getting and why.
Under Texas law, any will made while you're married is invalidated
upon the dissolution of that marriage.  Faye and I had mirror wills
drawn up during the marriage up setting care for the minor children
in the other parent.  Now that the boys are no longer minors, part
of my divorce was rewriting my will to leave everything to Faye
again.  She's the mother of my children, and she will see to it that
they're taken care of.  She should know then better than I do now
what the needs of each will be, and I trust her judgement, else I'd
not have married her in the first place.  Not that I didn't or don't
love her, but as we matured after the marriage, it became apparent
that the boys were about the only glue that held us together.  When
they left, we were each free to go our separate ways with no real
regrets.  There were hurt feelings on the short term, but I think
we're handling it ok.  She's going with me tomorrow to my company
picnic/party cause I know she loves boiled crawfish and I didn't
have any other date.  We can successfully deflect any "are ya'll
getting back together" talk.

But the boys need to know from me that I'm going to try very hard
not to leave them much of cash value.  They're expected to pull
their own weight.  What I've been hurt most about in this probate is
that to avoid any inheritance taxes, Daddy left all his personal
effects-- guns, art, books, etc,-- to my stepmother.  Everything.
The money isn't near an issue to us as our grandfather's bull books,
cowwhips, spurs, 45 colt, etc.  I grew up smelling the old plugs of
tobacco -- Brown Mule-- that Daddy kept of his Daddy in the box with
the spurs and whips.  She has refused to talk about selling them to
us for now-- we know that she'll probably use them to milk the
principle out of her marital trust from which she's supposed to get
only the interest.  And there's nothing we can do about it if we
have any wish to get any of that stuff we value and she does not.
Daddy did that to us-- probably without thining, but it's done.  I
want my boys to know why I'm leaving everything to their mother, and
what my expectations are.  They need to know what I consider
heirlooms and I need to know what *they* consider heirlooms now.
I've been surprised in the last several years as we've developed
adult-to-adult relationships at what memories they retained and
treasured from childhood and what they haven't.  It's going to take
a lot of communications.  And spilling of feelings.  

Have you hugged your child today?

Hugs,
Dale
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