TheBanyanTree: Memorial Service

[Cecil]

At 7:24 AM -0500 6/12/03, Margaret R. Kramer wrote:
>I hate going to these functions.  I hate not knowing what to say or what to
>do.  It’s a little easier for me this time, because it’s my dad’s burial, so
>I have a “place.”  I’m hoping my brother and sister will step forward and do
>most of the socializing and I can sit in the background and watch the
>interactions.  I’ll shake hands with people and nod as they tell stories
>about my dad.  I’m sure people will comment on my weight loss and it’s nice
>to be going to a function like this weighing less instead of weighing more
>and then people would whisper, “She’s gained so much weight.”  No one
>whispers if you’ve lost weight.  I also don’t smoke anymore, and it will be
>interesting to see who comments on that.
>
>I’m trying to decide what to wear.  Our weather has been gloomy and wet.
>The sun is a distant memory.  We’ve been moving through dank air for over a
>week.  The weather people promised sun and warmer temps today.  They were
>smiling and jostling each other on TV, because they were so excited about
>the forecast.  This morning finds low, non-moving clouds overhead and it was
>cool enough for our heat to kick on.  So, should I wear dark and warm
>clothes since this will be a graveside service?  Should I hope the sun makes
>an appearance and wear something light and summery that will show off my
>tan?  Should I seek comfort in black or expose myself in light colors?
>Decisions, decisions.
>
>I’ll wait for the right moment to leave.  I’ll wait for the conversation to
>stutter out.  I’ll wait until I notice people glancing at their watches.  I’
>ll wait until I hear the silent pause and say, “It was nice seeing
> everyone,” and then I’ll gather up Ray and Asher and make my escape.
>
>We’ll talk about the relatives and friends in the car on the way home.  We’
>ll probably digest the service that I didn’t help plan.  I skipped out of
>meeting with the minister to go over the service.  That thing isn’t
>important to me, just like the whole memorial service itself isn’t important
>to me, which is why I find attending these events a strain.
>
>For me, the vivid colors that are my dad’s memories aren’t found at the
>gravesite.  I find my dad as I was tell my son about my dad taking me to
>McDonald’s when there weren’t too many of them around and it was a very
>special treat to go out and eat.  I think of the times we went fishing and
>he taught me how to bait a hook or went hiking and he showed me how to
>identify animals by their tracks.  I think of the times he worked on my
>beater cars to get them running.
>
>I understand and respect other people need funerals, memorial services, and
>burials to properly reflect and honor the memory of a loved one.  I’ve never
>felt that need.  As people who are close to me have died, I tuck them into
>my heart and that’s where they are for me to visit any time I want to.
>
>Margaret R. Kramer
>margaretkramer at earthlink.net

Hi, Margaret.

My condolences.

I feel pretty much the same way about funerals and memorable services, and
filing by the casket to view the body is gross in my opinion. I have to
attend a funeral Saturday in Tehachapi, CA. People comment about how
"sweet" a dead body looks in the casket. I see absolutely nothing sweet
about death.

I suppose most people need the closure of funerals and memorable services,
and I guess that's okay. It's a time when relatives get together, perhaps
for the first time in many years. I can think of more joyous occasions.

Cecil