TheBanyanTree: The Schizophrenia Diaries Dec 2

[Monique Young]

Disclaimer: This is one in a series of essays on schizophrenia and BPD. From
time to time, there could be disturbing or unsettling subject matter in this
series. Or even depressing subject matter. If this may bother you, feel free
to delete. We write these not with the intention of disturbing anyone, but
to educate, inform, and let other sufferers know they are not alone. :-)

 

 

December 2, 2003

 

We watched "A Beautiful Mind" the other day. People keep telling him he
should watch it, including his spiritual advisor. He tried to watch it by
himself, twice, and could not get through it. It was too upsetting for him,
struck too close to home perhaps, brought up issues that are hard to face.

 

They don't do coma shock therapy anymore, but it's enough to know it's a
possibility.

 

I told him we could watch it together, that I would be there just in case.
And so he brought the DVD over to my house, and we settled in to watch. He
sat in his chair, the chair that was his when we were married, the chair
that is still his as no one else except Dog uses it. Orvis himself has never
sat in that chair, but always sits with me on the couch. I made myself
comfortable on the couch, and in this position, I face away from him.

 

Occasionally, during the movie, I'd ask how he was doing, and he'd say he
was doing fine. I reached back once or twice to take his hand, and he seemed
calm. 

 

Towards the end of the movie I heard him, a noise, a sound, and I realized
he was sobbing, wretched heartbreaking sobs. I went to him and knelt in
front of him, and I told him that I was there with him, that it would be
okay, and asked if we should stop the movie. He said no, that he wanted to
get through it, and so I sat there next to him and held his hand while we
continued to watch the movie.

 

He was better after that, and we made it through the movie. I'm not sure
what happened after the movie; it didn't really matter, all that mattered
was that we had watched the entire movie and he broke down only once. 

 

"A Beautiful Mind" is a difficult movie for a schizophrenic.
Schiz-o-phre-nic -- what a word to describe what he's going through. 

 

>From CancerWEB's Online Medical Dictionary: <psychiatry> A mental disorder
or heterogeneous group of disorders (the schizophrenias or schizophrenic
disorders) comprising most major psychotic disorders and characterised by
disturbances in form and content of thought (loosening of associations,
delusions and hallucinations) mood (blunted, flattened or inappropriate
affect), sense of self and relationship to the external world (loss of ego
boundaries, dereistic thinking and autistic withdrawal) and behaviour
(bizarre, apparently purposeless and stereotyped activity or inactivity). 

 

Charming, isn't it? 

 

Then there's the BPD: <psychiatry> An individual who is impulsive and
unpredictable with fluctuations in intense moods. Occasionally psychotic. 

 

It can be difficult to tell which is which, and what's going on, and what's
causing what sort of behavior. And most of the time, it doesn't matter. All
that matters is whether or not the meds are helping, and how he can get
through each day.

 

 

Monique