TheBanyanTree: The Mother-in-Law of all Helpful information

[Peter Macinnis]

earwig.  Although rarely worn in Australia, the earwig has been of great
use to our Antarctic research scientists, helping to ward off frostbite.
The Australian earwig is generally made from decrimped and scarified Merino
wool.

economic rationalism.  The reverse of rational economics.

economics.  A subject which is very easy to set examination papers for,
rather like mathematics, except that in economics, you keep the same
questions from year to year, but you change the answers.  Economics has the
special value that you can blame anything at all on it, and nobody is going
to be able to contradict you, though they will.

economies of scale.  Budget-priced mountain-climbing holidays.

economist.  A student of a dismal and gloomy science.  Economics is
generally favoured by those lacking the practical skills and charisma
needed to be a good accountant.

ecosystem.  An electronic device for measuring the depth of the sea,
relying on bouncing signals off the ocean floor.

ecstatic.  No longer stationary.

education.  While this has been known to happen in schools in historic
times, many observers believe that this is of no greater causal
significance than people in schools being attacked by escaped lions, an
event which is approximately as common.

eggplant.  A food that looks, tastes, smells, feels and sounds nothing like
an egg or a plant, but which has certain resemblances to both in its aura.

egotism.  1. All my I.  2. A case of mistaken nonentity.

Einstellung.  A term used in the German movie industry in the 1920s and
1930s, when money was in short supply, so that any given production could
only afford to have one star.  It was later found that this created more
problems than it solved, especially after the start of the 'talkies', when
the plot required dialogue.

eldritch.  The older of a pair of ostriches.

electric field.  A paddock in which solar or wind generators have been set up.

electric permittivity.  Licensing requirements applied to a wide range of
appliances of a certain kind which cannot be set down here, although this
should not be confused with electrical permissivity, which involves the use
of certain intimate objects which are electrically powered.  They also will
not be set down here.

electricity.  Stuff which flows out of power points at night, unless
something has been carefully plugged into the point, subtly preventing a
massive increase in a household's electricity charges.

electricity charges.  Clear evidence of the deviousness of the suppliers
and the supineness of the consumers.  Electricity supplies are actually
provided as alternating current, so the electrons do not actually go
anywhere: they simply slosh back and forth, while the consumer pays for the
same electrons, time and again, and often in both directions.

electoral roll.  An intricate acrobatic manoeuvre, performed by politicians
who have won government, in order to escape from the promises that they
made while seeking office.

electrolyte.  An acolyte who gets a charge out of life.

electron gun.  A small but lethal device, used to fire electron shells at
the enemy.  Every cathode ray tube contains at least one electron gun, and
this probably helps to explain the emphasis on violence found in television
today.

electron microscope.  A precision-engineered device which is made from a
single very small electron.

electrostatics.  The main observations from any time and motion study on
electricians who are on hourly rates.

elimination.  A euphemism employed by those engaged in genocidal
activities.  Curiously, even people such as these will show occasional
signs of mercy.  In Beijing, while the tank drivers were showing students
how to play squash, several mendicants in Tiananmen Square were carefully
removed, on the ground that beggars can't be juices.

Empire of the Sun.  Film about a boy's experiences in China under the
Japanese.  Each time he sees planes, a theme is played, apparently on
violins.  In fact, each instrument was an over-tightened cello, the first
appearance on celluloid of those famous Australian musical instruments,
aeroplane celli.



  _--|\    Peter Macinnis             macinnis at ozemail.com.au
 /     \   Principal, Seurat School of Train Spotting,
 \.--._*   Formation Karaoke Diving Costumes for hire.
      v    http://members.ozemail.com.au/~macinnis/index.htm